Consequences  HIMYM
by DreamsofSpike
Summary: Barney is desperate to get Ted to forgive him for sleeping with Robin, so desperate that he'll literally do ANYTHING. But he has no idea just how much Ted will ask of him. DARK
1. Chapter 1

"You slept with _Robin_?" Ranjit's voice was full of incredulous disapproval, as he glared at Barney in the rearview mirror, apparently oblivious to his pain, at least for the moment. "You _slept_ with _Robin_?"

"Yeah, you said that already," Barney groaned, pressing his hands down hard over his throbbing groin in an attempt to ease the pain. "A couple of times, actually. Believe me, I'm regretting it right about now."

"She is Ted's ex-girlfriend, Barney!" Ranjit persisted in his lecture, shaking a finger in Barney's direction. "That means she is off-limits to _you_."

"I _know_ that!" Barney hissed, sucking in air past his teeth as a fresh wave of pain washed over him – and he tried to ignore the fact that it wasn't a solely physical pain. "I get that I made a mistake, okay? If I could go back… well… I'd probably _still_ do it, but…"

"You are a bad friend, Barney!" Ranjit declared. "Ted has always been a good friend to you, and you go behind his back and sleep with his ex-girlfriend? You'll be lucky if he forgives you for this one."

"Could you just… could you just take me home?" Barney sighed, all of the will to argue drained from his voice. He was in too much pain, too sad and guilty, to even have the energy to defend his actions. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Don't talk then." Ranjit shrugged, directing his attention toward the windshield as he pulled the car back out onto the road. "But you ride in _my_ limo… you _will_ listen to what I have to say."

Defeated, Barney sat there in silence, pretending to listen as he was lectured for the duration of the drive back to his apartment. He paid Ranjit's fare – including a rather exorbitant tip that did nothing to assuage his guilt – and then limped slowly and painfully to the elevator and up to his front door. Although he tried not to think about it, his mind went unbidden to the party going on across town for Ted's birthday – the party to which he was now uninvited.

His apartment had never felt so empty.

_He'll get over it… He's my _best friend_. He can't just toss me aside and forget about the last _seven years_ of friendship…_

Barney tried to reassure himself – but he kept remembering the look of such utter disgust and hurt on Ted's face when he'd gotten out of the cab.

_He'll forgive me, eventually. He_ has _to…_

But as hard as he tried, Barney couldn't quite make himself believe it.

A month later, Ted still hadn't forgiven Barney – but he _had_ asked Stella to marry him.

A month after that – Stella left him.

"I don't get it!" Ted objected, tears in his eyes as he tried to get between her and the suitcase she was packing, already half-filled with all the things she'd left at his place during the past few months. "I thought you loved me!"

"I thought you loved _me_, Ted!" Stella countered, her own tears streaking her face as she threw up her hands in frustration. "But how can you, when you're still so hung up on Robin?"

"How can you _say_ that? You _know_ me and Robin are just friends now…"

"Do _you_ even know that, Ted?" There was bitter resentment in Stella's laughing words.

Ted shook his head in incredulous confusion. "What… what are you talking about?"

"If you and Robin are just friends now," Stella continued, eyes blazing as she stepped nearer to Ted, her tearful gaze suddenly too intense, so that he had to look away, "then why are you so worried about whatever she did with Barney? It's all you've talked about for the last two months, Ted! You're… you're _obsessed_, and… and the only reason I can think of for that is… is that you still love her, Ted." There was defeat in her voice as she shook her head, tears streaking her face. "You still love her. So… I can't let you marry _me_."

Ted tried to argue her point, though he had to admit that it sounded rather convincing. He tried to explain that it wasn't about Robin herself, but about the betrayal against their friendship that Barney had committed. He insisted that he had no romantic feelings left for Robin, and that there was nothing to stand in the way of their marriage.

Stella listened – but in the end, she still walked out.

"It's just one more way in which Barney's managed to royally screw up my life!"

Ted didn't see the worried looks his friends exchanged as he concluded his story. He was too wrapped up in his own misery and seething anger to notice the way Lily bit her lower lip as she met Robin's gaze, or the way Marshall blinked in surprise, visibly taken aback by Ted's assessment of the situation and its cause. Lily nudged Marshall in the ribs with her elbow; he glanced down to see her giving him a pointed look, nodding slightly toward Ted, and the unspoken message was clear.

_He's _your _best friend. Talk some sense into him._

Marshall shook his head slightly in alarm, but Lily's next psychic message to him was even clearer, and frighteningly specific.

_Talk to him, or we're not having sex for a week._

_But, Lily-Pad…!_

Pleading puppy-dog eyes were no match for Lily's resolve face.

_A month…_

Marshall couldn't help the knowing smirk that rose to his lips as he rolled his eyes, letting out a little huff of amused contempt.

_Please. _You _can't go that long…_

Lily's shoulders fell and she let out a defeated sigh.

_Come on, baby. He's making himself crazy – and all of us with him. You have to do _something…

Marshall cast a worried glance in the direction of his best friend, who was still venting his frustrations toward a visibly uneasy Robin. She kept nodding and making sympathetic faces in Ted's direction, but the way she fidgeted nervously in her chair and kept looking at Lily and Marshall with desperate, "help-me!" eyes made it perfectly clear that she was just as worried as they were.

_Okay._ Marshall gave Lily a reassuring but almost imperceptible nod. _Here goes nothing…_

"What she doesn't get is that it's not really _about _you, Robin," Ted explained with a heavy, defeated sigh. "None of this would have happened if _Barney_ hadn't broken my trust. He's the one I'm pissed off at, because I thought he was my friend, and he stabbed me in the back…"

Robin was clearly uncomfortable with the entire conversation, but she persisted hesitantly, trying to get Ted to see reason. "But… _I'm _your friend, and…"

"You're my friend, but you're also my ex-girlfriend," Ted pointed out. "I have the right to ask my friends not to sleep with my exes. I don't have the right to ask my _exes_ not to sleep with… well, anyone they want."

"Ted… _dude_…"

"What?"

Ted blinked, looking up at Marshall in surprise at the interruption. The blank expression on his face made it obvious that he had no clue how inappropriate the conversation – and his behavior in general at the moment – had become. Marshall cast a pointed look toward Robin before meeting Ted's eyes again and raising a single, questioning brow.

"Don't you think there's a better person to have this conversation with about the rules on exes, friends and sex, than your ex who's also your friend and had _sex_ with your friend?"

Ted blinked again, shaking his head slightly. "Was there any part of that sentence that remotely makes sense? In English?"

Marshall glared at him for a moment before rising to his feet and nodding toward the door. "Come on, Ted. Let's take a walk."

Ted frowned, puzzled, but rose from his seat and followed Marshall out into the cool evening air.

"What were you talking about in there?" he asked, shrugging. "Robin's my friend. I was just talking to her…"

"About something she'd probably rather not talk about," Marshall pointed out. "I'm sure it's pretty awkward for her knowing that you and Barney aren't friends anymore because of something that she was… well… a pretty big part of."

Ted considered that for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh and raising one hand to momentarily cover his face. After a moment he lowered his hand, giving Marshall a grimace of embarrassment.

"I was making a total ass of myself in there, wasn't I?"

"Total," Marshall agreed. "Complete. Utter, even."

Ted sighed – then, almost against his will, began to smile, his mouth twitching with repressed laughter.

"Udder," he muttered with a juvenile snicker.

Marshall tried to hold it back, but then he found himself laughing, too. "Udder," he repeated with a smirk – before suddenly remembering himself and forcing his expression back into something severe and stern. "Ted, this is serious!"

Ted's smile faded, and he hung his head, dejected and slightly sullen. "I know," he sighed. His jaw set in stubborn anger, eyes glittering with dark resentment, he muttered under his breath, "It's not enough for him to just sleep with her; now he's gonna cost me my _friendship_ with Robin, too!"

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Marshall shook his head. "Ted – you can't just blame everything on Barney for the rest of his life! It's not Barney's fault that you couldn't talk to Stella about anything but your ex-girlfriend's sexual escapades for the past couple months, or that…" He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable explosion even as he ploughed forward with the painful truth. "… that Stella broke up with you, or that you lost your head in there because of it and were… grossly inappropriate. You're my _best friend_, man, and you know if anybody's on your side it's me, but… that's stuff _you_ did."

Even before Ted opened his mouth, the look of stubborn defiance in his eyes made what he was going to say obvious – except that he never got the chance to say it. His phone rang, and Ted took it out of his pocket, glaring down at the screen and the familiar name that scrolled across it.

By the expression on Ted's face, Marshall knew who it was that was calling.

Barney.

Again.

"Answer it," Marshall instructed quietly. "Ted… just answer it. What's it gonna hurt to talk to him?"

Ted punched the reject button with enough force to cause the phone's plastic frame to creak alarmingly before putting it back into his pocket.

"Come on, Ted." Marshall didn't try to keep the disappointment from his voice. "How long is this gonna go on?"

"How long is what gonna go on? Ted demanded, an incredulous tremor of bitter laughter in his voice. "He blew it, Marshall. He broke his own freakin' Bro Code and stabbed me in the back by sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. I thought our friendship meant more to him that that, but no…"

"He'd do anything to make it up to you, man," Marshall insisted, a pleading note in his voice. "Can't you see that?" Ted opened his mouth to argue, but before he could, Marshall spoke again, his voice rising slightly with anger. "No, you can't, because you're not giving him a chance! How is he supposed to prove that he can change – that he really won't do anything like that again – if you won't so much as take his calls?"

Ted was quiet for a few long, tense moments – his lips parted as if to speak, though he couldn't seem to find the words – and for a moment, Marshall thought he might have gotten through to him. Then, Ted broke the silence, stony resentment in his quiet, trembling voice.

"He's not supposed to prove anything," he replied softly. "He's just supposed to leave me alone and let me get on with my life."

Marshall considered Ted's response for a moment before answering, his own voice quiet and sad.

"He's not the one that's keeping you from doing that, Ted."

There was nothing more to say, no words he could find to convince his friend of the truth, so Marshall just turned and walked back into the bar, leaving Ted alone with his own thoughts – and the cell phone in his pocket that was ringing once again.

Ted started up the stairs toward his empty apartment.

He couldn't bring himself to go back into the bar and face his friends, and there was no one else who cared what he did at the moment – except for the persistent, buzzing presence in his pocket. Ted took his phone out again, glaring at the screen where a new text message had just appeared.

_*Please. Just talk to me for one minute.*_

Ted deleted the message and continued up the stairs.

_They just don't get it – none of them. They don't know what it's like to trust someone so much, just to have them turn on you like that! It's not even about Robin. It's about the fact that… that I thought our friendship _meant_ something to him – something more than one night of sex that ended up ending it._

Ted's phone buzzed again, and he took it out, barely registering the words there, in all caps, followed by multiple exclamation points.

_*PLEASE, TED! JUST LET ME APOLOGIZE!*_

Ted rolled his eyes and put his phone away again, his thoughts turning back to the argument he'd had with Marshall.

_He just wants things to go back to the way they were – but they can't. I can't trust Barney after what he did. If I forgive him, he's just going to take that to mean that it's okay – and he'll just end up stabbing me in the back again. Marshall wants me to give him a chance to prove himself – to prove _what_, though? To prove that I'm a big enough sucker to fall for the same act twice? I don't think so. I'm through falling for…_

When his phone began to vibrate again, Ted gritted his teeth, resisting the temptation to take it out and simply slam it down on the stone steps. Instead, he read the screen, though he wasn't really sure why at this point.

_*DUDE. I'm LITERALLY on my knees, here. In a $5,000 suit. I will do ANYTHING, Ted, just PLEASE TALK TO ME.*_

Ted stopped just outside his door, pausing to read the message a bit more closely, as the beginnings of a plan began to formulate in his mind.

_I have to do_ something_. Can't go on like this, or I'll lose all the friends I still_ do _have. Can't just take him back, or it'll just happen again. Marshall wants me to give him a chance… and he's literally begging for one… _

… _when what he really needs is to be taught a lesson. To know that… when you hurt people, there are consequences…_

Ted took a deep breath and dialed the fourth number on his speed dial.

He wasn't really sure why he hadn't changed it yet.

Halfway into the first ring, Barney answered the phone, breathless and disbelieving.

"Ted? Ted, you're really… I mean… _Thank you_! Thank you so much for finally…"

"Shut up."

Barney's voice broke off immediately, and Ted could clearly visualize the startled expression his face must have borne.

"You violated the Bro Code, and you violated my trust. You completely and utterly failed me as a friend. You wanna make it up to me?" Ted didn't wait for an answer, though he could hear Barney taking a breath on the other end of the line, as if preparing to respond. "Meet me on the roof in twenty minutes. This is the only shot I'm giving you, so don't blow it."

Without waiting for confirmation that Barney was on his way, Ted disconnected the call and turned his phone off, putting it away.

He had no doubt that Barney would be there – and probably in less than twenty minutes.

He unlocked his front door and walked into his apartment, his mind racing as the pieces of his half-formed plan began to slowly come together.


	2. Chapter 2

Barney usually made a point to be fashionably late.

It was a matter of pride for him – to let the people he was supposed to be joining know that whatever they happened to be doing, it was not so important that it could start without him. He had lots of very important, very awesome things to occupy his time. He wasn't just sitting around waiting for their one "thing", whatever that "thing" might happen to be.

Tonight, however – Barney was at the point where he had no pride left.

He was waiting on the roof ten minutes before the time when he was supposed to meet Ted there.

He paced anxiously back and forth, his hands clasping his arms and rubbing them, shivering a little in the chilly breeze that swept across the rooftop. He kept glancing toward the door where Ted would appear when he arrived – but it remained empty, even when the deadline Ted had given him passed. Barney sat down on the ledge of the rooftop, facing inward so that he could keep his eye on the door – but wondering uneasily if Ted might have changed his mind.

_Surely he wouldn't. He wouldn't just send me up here, just to leave me waiting out here in the cold, all pathetic and hoping and…_

_Crap. He hates my guts right now. He_ totally _would do that._

Barney bit his lower lip, a sick feeling building in the pit of his stomach as he tried to decide whether or not to wait, while the minutes ticked interminably by. The tiny shred of dignity remaining to him insisted that he should leave now and go home, and forget all about Ted, if he couldn't even have the common respect to show up when he was supposed to show up.

The rest of him didn't care how pathetic it made him look. He couldn't leave – not if there was a chance that Ted might still show up.

Eventually, he did – fifteen minutes after he'd told Barney to be there. At the sound of footsteps behind him, Barney spun around, his shoulders falling with relief as he swiftly closed the distance between them.

"Ted!" He blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes unbidden, fighting to keep Ted from seeing just how much he really cared about this meeting he hadn't expected to be granted – but not fighting very hard. "Thank you _so much_ for meeting me here. I know you said you didn't want to hear it, but I have to tell you just how…"

"Shut up."

Ted's voice was cool and sharp – very unlike his usual tone – and Barney froze, startled, searching his former friend's eyes warily. The look of dark resentment in Ted's narrowed gaze made Barney's stomach tighten with alarm. He swallowed hard to dampen his suddenly dry mouth – but he didn't say another word.

"If you want a chance to make this up to me, Barney, for once you're gonna just keep your mouth shut and listen while I tell you how it has to work." Ted's voice softened slightly as he spoke, and Barney felt a slight measure of relief. "I've… given this a lot of thought, and… I do miss… having you around. You… you were my friend for a long time, Barney…"

"I _am_ your friend…"

Ted closed his mouth, his lips forming a taut, angry line as without another word he headed for the door leading downstairs.

"Wait!" Barney objected, unable to keep the pleading note from his voice. "Ted, I'll shut up! I'll shut up!"

Ted stopped in his tracks, drawing in a deep breath in an exaggerated display of forced patience before turning to face Barney again and going on as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"… and as much as I'd like to just write all that off and forget about it, after the way you betrayed me – I'd like to think there's a way we could… fix things. Or, rather… a way _you_ could fix things." The faint hint of a smile around the edges of Ted's mouth was not in the least reassuring to Barney's increasingly uneasy nerves. "You're the one who did the damage. If you want our friendship back like it was, you're the one who's going to have to earn it."

"Earn it… how?"

Barney frowned, the sick coil in the pit of his stomach tightening a little more. Ted wasn't acting like himself. Even when he was angry, Ted could never seem to fully hide the soft, sensitive heart – the vulnerability that those close to him knew so well.

Right now, there was nothing even resembling honest emotion in Ted's eyes or voice. He was cold and detached in a way that Barney had never seen him, as he glared at Barney and started to turn away again. Barney took several hurried steps forward, catching Ted's arm and spinning him around.

"_Don't_!" he objected. "How am I supposed to understand what it is that you want, if I'm not allowed to ask you any questions?"

Ted stared pointedly down at Barney's hand on his arm before jerking it away with a contemptuous snarl, then grabbing Barney's arm instead and jerking him closer to glare into his face. "Don't touch me," he snapped, and there was an edge of warning to his voice.

"Ted, I'm sorry, okay?" Barney flinched, hurt by Ted's words, alarmed by the slight but unexpected violence of Ted's reaction – but then shook his head, steeling himself to press forward anyway. His sheer desperation was evident in his trembling words. "I'll do whatever you want me to do to… to prove myself to you, but _please_… please just… be reasonable, okay? I'll do anything you want, just as long as you'll let me know what that _is_…"

Ted was quiet for a moment, considering Barney's words – before he turned to fully face him, a cool, thoughtful smile beginning to form on his lips as he tilted his head questioningly, his hand remaining like a vise on Barney's forearm, refusing to allow him to retreat, if he wanted to.

Barney _did _want to, a little – but he wasn't _going _to.

"_Anything_, Barney?" There was something dark and dangerous in his tone. "Really?"

Warning bells went off in Barney's mind, and he knew that he would pay a price if he walked into the trap that Ted was setting – because he knew better than to think that it was anything but a trap. Ted had never been so furious with him over anything before, and Barney knew that whatever Ted would require of him, it was not going to be easy. Ted had Barney right where he wanted him, and seemed to be rather enjoying that position at the moment. Barney shuddered to think what embarrassing, unpleasant task Ted might ask of him in exchange for his forgiveness.

But, as long as he _got_ that forgiveness when it was over – Barney didn't really care.

Ted was the best friend he'd ever had, and without him over these past few weeks, Barney had found himself unbearably lonely. If performing some demeaning, difficult act would prove his loyalty to Ted and convince him to take him back, Barney was willing to go through whatever Ted would require of him. He swallowed hard, nodding slowly, his eyes wide and solemn and utterly honest as he replied in a trembling voice that was hushed, almost reverent.

"_Anything_. I swear, Ted. Anything you want."

Ted laughed – and there was a quiet, harsh triumph in the sound that made Barney feel as if he'd suddenly fallen from a great height, plunging into a darkness that was deeper than he could comprehend. The whole encounter had a dark, surreal quality to it. This wasn't really his best friend, wasn't really happening at all. He wasn't really so desperate and pathetic that he'd blindly place himself at Ted's mercy, without knowing what he had in mind.

Except, it _was_ really happening… and he really _was _that desperate.

"Good." Ted smiled – a real, genuinely pleased smile – as he released Barney's arm, so suddenly that Barney stumbled a little, trying to regain his balance. Ted's smile slowly faded into a calm, pensive expression, as he gave Barney a slow, up-and-down, appraising look. His voice was disarmingly soft, making his words even more startling and unsettling when he spoke again.

"Get on your knees."

Barney blinked, his mouth agape for a moment as he struggled to process what Ted had just said. "_Excuse_ me?"

Ted shrugged, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly in amusement. "You told me earlier that you were on your knees – and you expect me to believe that's a $5,000 suit, dumbass?" Ted's smile faded again, as he explained softly, "Anyway… I think that's something I'd have to see to believe."

Barney hesitated, unnerved and a little shaken by the request. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, pacing a few steps back and forth in front of Ted before turning to face him again. "So… so I just… get on my knees, and… and that's it? You just wanna inflict a little humiliation, and we're all good again?"

_Actually, this isn't so bad. I've done worse just to pick up a girl. If that's all he wants… all it's gonna take to get his friendship back… then he's a bigger pushover than I thought…_

"_Please_, Barney." Ted let out a little scoffing sound, rolling his eyes, and his smile was cold and nasty. "We are so not even _remotely_ anywhere _close_ to good again." He shook his head slowly, crossing his arms over his chest in a subtle gesture of challenge. "No, this is just the _first… _shall we say_…_ test of your loyalty – the first thing I'm asking of you, to see how far you're really willing to go to make this up to me."

"The… _first_?" Barney echoed uncertainly. "So… how many 'tests' _are_ there?" he demanded, supplying finger quotes for dramatic emphasis.

"Don't really know yet," Ted admitted with a shrug and a wicked grin. "I'll know when we get there."

Barney's eyes widened incredulously. "But… that could be… who knows _how_ long!"

"Yep," Ted carelessly conceded.

"And… in the mean time?" Barney frowned, shaking his head slightly in confusion.

"In the mean time, we're for all intents and purposes back to normal again," Ted explained, his expression serious and certain as he held Barney's disbelieving gaze. "The gang never needs to know anything about our arrangement. In fact, if they find out, it's automatically off. Starting tomorrow, I'll tell them we worked it out, and we'll be completely back to normal in front of them. And once you've proven yourself to me, we'll be completely back to normal _all_ the time. But until then… I'll assume you're going to complete the arrangement, and you can hang out with us again – be a part of the group." Ted's expression hardened slightly as he continued, "But if you refuse to complete any of the tests I give you… we're done, Barney. There won't be any third chances. I'll walk out of your life and never come back."

Barney's stomach clenched at those words, though he was still trying to wrap his head around exactly what Ted was suggesting. "I… I don't know…"

"Come on, Barney," Ted coaxed him with a teasing smirk, lowering his voice enticingly and taking a couple of slow steps closer to Barney. "You know you want to. This is the chance you've been asking for."

Barney stared at him for a long moment, bewildered and uncertain. Finally, he shook his head emphatically. "No," he objected, holding up his hands and backing off a few steps. "No, there is _no way _I'm just… _indefinitely_ putting myself at your…"

"Bye, Barney." Ted cut him off, without raising his voice, without a trace of anger in his tone, and turned on his heel to simply walk away.

Barney's stomach lurched with panic. He _knew_ without being told that if Ted walked away from this, he _would not_ get another chance. His mind raced, wrestling with the decision. He'd have to be out of his mind to accept Ted's arrangement, with no set limits on how much Ted could ask of him, and no way of knowing when he'd actually have earned Ted's forgiveness. He already had Marshall's Slap Bet hanging over his head, until Marshall finally decided to use the rest of his slaps, and if there was one thing Barney had learned from _that_ whole ordeal, it was not to get into a similar arrangement again. If he had it to do over, he'd have chosen the ten slaps all at once, rather than having to simply wait and wonder when the next punishment was coming, with no control whatsoever over his own fate.

No, it just wasn't worth it…

Except that… it was _Ted_.

So, it really, really was.

_And it's not like he's going to ask anything _too _bad of you. He doesn't have it in him. Even if he did, it's not like, if it gets to the point that it really is just_ too much_, you couldn't just walk away _then_. It's not like you're signing a contract or anything. You can walk away any time you want, so… isn't it worth a shot, to get his friendship back?_

_Isn't _anything_ worth a shot? It's _Ted_!_

Ted kept his steps measured and even, forcing himself not to slow his pace and tip his hand, although his heart was sinking with every step he took, as Barney remained silent and unprotesting behind him. He really _had_ missed Barney, though he hadn't realized it fully until he'd seen him again, waiting for him on the roof. Ted had thought that Barney would go along with his arrangement, for sure – but apparently, he'd overestimated the value that Barney placed on their friendship.

Ted had to admit that, in spite of his disappointment, he also felt a certain measure of relief as he stepped into the lighted stairwell that led back down to his apartment. He hadn't been _completely_ sure that he'd be able to pull off his little scheme, anyway. It was hard enough being so harsh and commanding with Barney for even just a few minutes. He had no idea how he would have managed to keep it up for as long as his plan would have required.

_Maybe it's for the best, really…_

"Ted, wait! _Wait, please_!"

The strangled, desperate sound of Barney's voice brought a satisfied smirk to Ted's face – but he forced it down, remaining standing in the stairwell for a moment with his back turned to Barney before slowly, deliberately turning to face him again. He was startled, and more than a little unnerved, by the sight that met his eyes – not only because he hadn't really expected Barney to do it… but also because of what it meant.

_Game on. No turning back now…_

Barney was kneeling on the cold stone, one hand grasping the other arm in an embarrassed, self-conscious gesture, his eyes wide and pleading as he gave Ted a desperate, beseeching look. He was shifting uncomfortably on his knees, fidgeting nervously, his gaze darting back and forth between the floor at his feet, and Ted's impassive face.

"Okay," he whispered, his voice trembling and defeated. "Okay, Ted. I'll… I'll do it. Whatever you want."


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days that passed, Barney was so deliriously happy that he almost completely forgot about that surreal, disturbing encounter with Ted on the roof. It had been terribly strange and unsettling, and he still wondered every now and then when Ted would bring it up again, and give him some clue as to what was going to be expected of him – but mostly, he tried to just put it out of his mind and enjoy the situation.

He was back to hanging out with the gang at MacLaren's as usual, and that was all that mattered.

The others seemed nearly as relieved as Barney was that the dynamic of their little group had finally been restored – though he wasn't really sure why they should be, considering how easily they'd all gone along with Ted's decision to oust him from the group. They hadn't stopped taking his calls when Ted had, but they certainly hadn't gone out of their way to call him or spend any time with him. Robin had hung out with him briefly, once or twice, in the bar – but Barney was pretty sure even that was just a reaction to her own guilt for her part in the actions that had led to his getting kicked out of the group.

It had been perfectly, painfully clear that if it came down to a choice between him and Ted, there was only one choice any of them would make. Before, Barney could have at least _pretended_ to believe that none of them could imagine living without his awesomeness in their lives.

Now – it was no use pretending.

He knew exactly where he stood when it came to his friends – _Ted's_ friends – and just how little value they placed on his friendship.

_It doesn't matter,_ Barney told himself, knocking back the last of his second drink and motioning for Wendy to come take his order for another. _That's all in the past now, so don't think about it. You're back where you belong, so there's no use worrying now. Just enjoy it and… and try to act like things are normal again._

_Because they _are. _They really are._

And he almost managed to convince himself that it was true.

He spent the evening regaling the group with stories – most of them made up – of his wild antics during the weeks they'd been apart, taking those stories as far over the top as possible. On some level, he knew that he was overcompensating – trying _way _too hard – but he couldn't seem to stop, even when he noticed the amusement of the others gradually turning toward vague irritation. As their demeanor shifted from genuine enjoyment of his wild stories and hyper antics, to that familiar sort of forced tolerance they sometimes showed him, only Ted seemed to still regard him with amusement – though Barney was pretty sure Ted's amusement was at something a little deeper than his crazy stories.

_He _knows _I'm uncomfortable… and he's_ enjoying _it. He likes watching me struggle to make things seem normal. To… to fit in again._

_He likes knowing how hard this is for me, because… because he thinks I _deserve_ it._

It was not a comforting thought… but Barney wasn't entirely sure that Ted was wrong.

Marshall and Lily were the first to retire for the evening. They had a longer drive across town than anyone else, and both had to work the next morning. Barney could show up for work whenever he felt like it and pretty much be okay, he knew; but at the moment there was nothing he could imagine that could possibly be any more awkward than sitting in a booth alone with Ted and Robin. Marshall and Lily had only been gone a couple of minutes when he scooted toward the edge of the booth.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go…" His words broke off abruptly in a startled yelp when he felt a sharp kick under the table, and he glared accusingly at Ted. "_Ow_!"

"Sorry." Ted shrugged, not looking the least bit apologetic with a hint of a smirk on his lips – but he was shaking his head almost imperceptibly, his dark eyes solemn and warning.

"'S okay," Barney muttered grudgingly, continuing to rise to his feet, though more slowly this time, wincing at the pressure on his sore shin as he adjusted his story.

Ted clearly wanted him to stay.

"I'm gonna go… get another drink. You guys want anything?"

"On you?" Ted's smile was all innocence, but there was a slight challenge in his expression.

Barney rolled his eyes, grumbling. "Yeah. Why not."

"Barney, are you sure you should have another?" Robin frowned, an expression of concern on her face. "The way you're acting tonight, I think you've had enough…"

"What? I can't have a good time with my friends? It's been ages since I've been out with you guys. Can you blame me for wanting to enjoy it? " Barney smirked at her… then sighed when the worry in her eyes did not fade. "Relax, it's not like I'm _driving_," he scoffed. "So… you want something or not?"

"No, I… I think I'm gonna go."

Robin rose to her feet as well, glancing between them with a smile that didn't quite manage to fully mask her discomfort. Barney didn't blame her. Although they were all trying to act as they always had, before he and Robin had slept together and screwed up the entire group dynamic, that was next to impossible to do in the rare instances when it was just the three of them together. Neither Robin nor Barney had any desire to linger any longer than they absolutely had to.

Unfortunately, Ted didn't seem all that bothered by it. In fact, judging by the cool interest Barney saw hidden just beneath the surface of his calm, vaguely concerned expression – he was rather enjoying their discomfort, in the wake of their betrayal.

Fortunately – Ted did not hold any leverage over Robin that could force her to stay.

"But you're off tomorrow," Ted reminded Robin with a slight frown, a feigned question mingling with genuine disappointment in his words. "It's not even 9:30."

"Yeah, um… I'm still on early morning hours, you know?" Robin explained, anxiously fidgeting with her bracelet. "I guess I'm just… I'm kinda worn out. Gonna call it a night, go upstairs and watch some TV. See you guys later." She gave Barney an awkward but sincere smile. "Good night, Barney."

"And _Ted_." Barney glanced anxiously toward Ted before giving Robin a pointed look. "Good night, Barney and _Ted_. Because… you certainly wouldn't be singling _me_ out for any reason…"

"Except that… _you're_ the one I'm… not going to see in a couple of hours." Robin raised an eyebrow, giving Barney a look of severe irritation. "I'll see Ted as soon as he comes upstairs."

"Oh." As her words sank in, Barney's face flushed with embarrassment, with the realization that he had just made a _slightly_ awkward situation just about unbearable. "Oh… right. Sorry." He cleared his throat, unable to meet either of their eyes as he headed toward the bar. "Good night, then. I'll just… get those drinks."

Barney felt an intense sense of relief as he walked away from the table and took a seat on a barstool, waiting for Carl to finish preparing the drinks for the two girls sitting at the other end of the bar. He ran a hand through his hair, annoyed and a little alarmed to find that his hands were visibly shaking. His nerves were on edge, his stomach doing nervous flip-flops at the knowledge that in a few moments, he would be returning to the table – and whatever Ted had in mind for his first test.

There was no other reason why Ted would have told him to wait after the others had left.

As long as Robin had been there, Barney had been able to distract himself from the uneasy questions – the same questions that had filled his mind for the past week, ever since that surreal encounter with Ted on the roof. Now, however, there was nothing left to stand between him and whatever Ted had planned – nothing except the two drinks he was supposed to order and bring back to the table.

His cell phone beeped in his pocket, and Barney took it out – his stomach lurching when he read the brief message on the screen.

"_Forget drinks. Men's room, now."_

Barney closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to steady his nerves as he put his phone away.

_What are you freaking out for? It's just_ Ted. _It's not like he could possibly have anything_ too _bad planned…_

But all Barney could picture, even as he tried to convince himself, was the cold expression on Ted's face that night on the roof, when he'd turned his back, fully prepared to walk away from Barney forever. As far as Barney was concerned, that was the cruelest thing Ted could possibly do – so really, was _anything _beyond him?

_It's going to be a stupid prank… no big deal… something mildly painful or embarrassing that will be over before I know it. Ted's trying to _talk_ big, but he's not that tough. I've probably been put through worse by the bullies in grade school. Nothing to worry about… just… get it over with…_

Barney steeled himself as he headed for the men's room, swallowing back the hard knot that had formed in the back of his throat as he pushed the door open and slipped inside. As the door closed again, Ted appeared at his side from behind it – immediately too close, too demanding. Barney didn't really mean to take the startled backward step he took that brought his back up against the door – but Ted seemed to have expected it.

He moved swiftly and smoothly into Barney's space, bracing one hand against the door beside Barney's head and giving him a smug smirk, his dark eyes dancing with amusement that Barney did not find in the least reassuring. His voice was lower than usual, deliberately over-dramatic and foreboding in a way that might have made Barney laugh, if his words hadn't made him so apprehensive.

"Ready for your first test?"

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his heart racing, wide eyes locked onto Ted's challenging gaze. "H-how many tests…" He cleared his throat when his voice broke over the words, struggling to steady himself before going on. "How many tests will there be?"

"How ever many I decide it's going to take for you to learn your lesson," Ted countered, raising a single eyebrow. "Got a problem with that?"

Ted backed off a step, his head tilted slightly in a warning way, and Barney's heart seemed to drop to somewhere around his knees. Automatically, he pressed his hands back against the door behind him, holding it shut, unwilling to let Ted walk away.

"No," he hurriedly replied, shaking his head. "No, no problem…"

"Good." Ted was quiet for a moment before going on, his words calm and measured. "When you left the bar, did you happen to notice the girl sitting in the far left corner booth, by herself?"

Barney frowned, puzzled, trying to remember, before shaking his head slowly. "No…?"

"You wouldn't," Ted observed, shaking his head with a knowing smirk. "Totally off your radar."

"Why?" Barney frowned. "Too smart? Or, just nerdy?" Barney grimaced with distaste. "Is she _fat_?"

"Check 'all of the above'." Ted's self-satisfied expression was deeply unsettling.

"So… what about this girl? Why does she have anything to do with this?" Barney shook his head in confusion.

"Because _you're_ going to take her home tonight." Ted was clearly very pleased with himself, judging by his smile of vindictive amusement. "You're going to go up to her and treat her like she was the hottest thing in this bar tonight. You're going to make her feel beautiful, and special, and attractive… and then you're going to take her home and give her the best, most satisfying, hottest night of her life."

"Ted," Barney whined in protest, "that'll ruin my record! I don't _do_ fat chicks, dude, remember?"

Ted's smile faded, and he took a step closer to Barney, his hand against the door again, their faces inches apart. There was a smoldering challenge, a barely suppressed anger in his eyes as he spoke, his voice low and warning.

"You do tonight. If I _say _you do."

Barney hated himself for the sick, fearful feeling that came over him at the subtle threat in Ted's words. A part of him was frustrated and outraged at Ted's blatant posturing and demanding manner – but a stronger, deeper part of him was simply terrified at the thought that he might lose the closest friend he'd ever known. His voice was small, slightly pleading, as he tried again to change Ted's mind.

"I have a perfect record of only sleeping with hotties," he reminded Ted plaintively. "If I do this, that's ruined. Ten years of perfection, down the drain."

Ted let out a derisive scoffing sound. "Perfection? _Please_." Unfazed, he continued, a pensive expression on his lips as he shrugged slightly, still not backing up out of Barney's space. "Even if that were true… which it totally isn't… what's more important to you? Your record… or…"

He let his voice trail off, but the second option hung between them, unspoken… and there was never any question of which Barney would choose.

"Okay," he relented through gritted teeth, closing his eyes and resting his head against the door behind him. "Fine. Whatever you think this is going to prove… for what it's worth, I'll do it. But… _why_?" He shook his head, searching Ted's face, bewildered.

Ted shrugged. "Why not?"

"What, do you think you're… making me a better person, somehow? Trying to make me less shallow and more accepting or some shit?"

Ted considered that for a moment, then nodded slowly, smiling. "Maybe."

Barney scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. "Yeah. Because lowering my standards so that I'm taking advantage of girls with even _bigger _self-esteem issues is so much better than what I already do. Have you stopped to consider that, whatever damage you think I do to these girls on a nightly basis – it's going to be _ten times_ worse for _this_ poor chick?"

"No, it's not," Ted argued. "Because you're going to give her one of your best stories – something designed to keep her from expecting a call, without making her feel like you've walked out on her. You're… leaving to go to Afghanistan in the morning, or… you've been diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a week to live. Something devastatingly romantic and moving that will give her a lovely memory – and maybe a little bit of confidence to carry on to her next relationship."

"_Why_?" Barney whined. "Ted, why does it have to be _this_?"

"Because if you _wanted_ to do it," Ted reminded him, "what would be the point?"

"What _is_ the point?" Barney demanded in frustration, raising one hand in a questioning gesture.

"The point…" Ted's eyes narrowed, and there was a malicious glint in them that sent a little apprehensive shiver down Barney's spine. "… is for you to do as you're told, and let _me_ worry about my reasons. I decide what I want you to do… and you just decide whether you think it's worth it or not."

Barney stared at him in tense silence for a long moment, weighing his options – not that he really had any. When it came right down to it, if this was the price of Ted's friendship – he knew it was worth it. He sighed, his shoulders falling with defeat.

"Fine. It's… just one night. I can get through it, one way or the other." He took a step away from the door, opening it and peering out – grimacing when he saw the girl in question. "Well… if nothing else, she should at least be eager to please…"

"Ugh." Ted shook his head in disgust, pulling the door the rest of the way open. "I think I'll take that drink now. I think I need it."

Ted watched from the privacy of their usual table as Barney approached the lonely girl in the corner booth, who seemed utterly stunned that an attractive, smooth sort of guy like him was actually paying her any attention at all. Her face lit up as he sat down beside her, waving down a waitress to get her a fresh drink.

Half an hour later when Barney left the bar with the girl, Ted felt a sense of satisfaction, as well as a strange little thrill of power, at the knowledge that Barney had done as he was told. After the way he'd been hurt, it felt good to see Barney squirm a little – to know that for once, Ted the nice guy – _right… more like Ted the doormat_ – had the upper hand.

_And maybe this will be good for him, after all,_ he reasoned. _It can't hurt Barney to learn to treat people a little better – not to put himself first all the time. I'm going to teach him the consequences of being a bad friend, help him learn to make better choices in the future… and maybe have a little fun with it along the way._

_It's no big deal… no one's going to get hurt…_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Amanda – _

_Thank you for giving me such a sweet memory of our night together. I only wish we had more time to share. How cruel of fate to give us only one night before separating us forever – and yet, how sweet to give me such a beautiful memory to take along on my journey to the other side. Just know that for a single night, you've made one dying man happy beyond what he ever imagined was possible. _

_Always, _

_Jonathan Logan_

Barney smirked as he signed the pseudonym – worthy of a soap opera character, and yet not so outrageously dramatic as to be obviously fake – to the handwritten note he'd just composed. He laid it on the pillow where he'd pretended to sleep only long enough for the girl – Amanda – to fall asleep herself, then grabbed his keys and slipped quietly out of her apartment.

The cool night air hit his face with a burst of reality, and Barney felt his satisfaction giving way to an uncomfortable feeling of frustrated humiliation. It wasn't that he had slept with her. After all, Ted was right. His record was really far from perfect; he'd slept with far less attractive girls before, so… it wasn't that. It was just that, regardless of their attractiveness level, Barney was used to _choosing_ the girls he slept with – and this time, he hadn't had much of a choice at all.

_Well, I hope Ted's satisfied. I slept with her, and gave her the night of her life – just like he told me to._

_So… this must be what a hooker feels like._

As he made his way toward home, Barney's resentment gradually began to swell up within him, at the thought of Ted's demanding, arrogant demeanor – the obvious pleasure he'd taken in pushing Barney into something he didn't want to do – and how certain he'd been that Barney would do exactly as he was told, regardless of how much he didn't want to do it.

And… how right he'd been.

_Getting ordered into sex with someone I'm not attracted to, by my best friend… basically getting_ pimped out _by him… maybe this will be enough humiliation… prove his point enough… for Ted to let it go._

Barney certainly hoped that would be the case.

He'd made sure that the few hours he'd spent with Amanda were tender and romantic and nothing like his usual raucous escapades – and yet, they had left him feeling more shame and disgust at himself than anything else he could remember doing. The entire situation had left him feeling – _dirty_ – and that was not something that Barney felt easily, not anymore.

_Well, maybe whatever point Ted was trying to prove… whatever he thinks he's going to accomplish with this 'testing me' crap… maybe he's done proving it. Maybe… this will be enough._

But deep down, Barney was almost certain that it wouldn't be.

Ted called him the following morning, while he was on his way to work.

Barney took a deep breath before answering the phone, bracing himself for another challenge. "Hello?" He winced at the sound of his own voice, hesitant and touched with a note of dread.

"Did you go through with it?" Ted demanded without preamble, an eager note to his voice that Barney found incredibly irritating.

"Yes. Yes, I went through with it."

The disgust in Barney's voice was unmistakable.

He just wasn't sure whether it was disgust at Ted or at himself that he was feeling.

"Happy now?"

Ted let out a cold, surprised laugh that Barney found deeply unsettling. "Oh, Barney." His tone was filled with patronizing amusement. "Not even close."

And without any further explanation, Ted disconnected the call, leaving Barney staring down at his phone in troubled uncertainty. He swallowed hard, a tight knot of worry beginning to form in his chest as he considered the possibilities for Ted's next test – and began to wonder if all of this was really going to be worth it, after all.

_What else does he have in mind? What could he be planning?_

Barney considered for a moment, biting his lower lip, a pensive frown creasing his brow.

_It doesn't matter,_ he told himself. _I can take it. I know I can. Whatever he wants… whatever it's going to take to satisfy him… it _will _be worth it. Those few weeks without him… without the entire gang… I couldn't… couldn't go through that again. _

_I can't… I can't lose him._

He swallowed hard, his mouth dry and his palms damp at the very thought of being without the one friend who had come to mean so much to him over the past few years. And after all, Ted's first test hadn't been _that_ bad – not really. It wasn't as if Barney _couldn't_ have said no, if he'd _really_ found it that distasteful. If their roles were reversed, Barney was pretty sure he could have come up with something a lot more difficult and humiliating to put Ted through.

_Ted just doesn't have it in him. And… if I'm wrong… and he _does_… _

_I can always back out later, if it gets to be too bad…_

At that moment, Ted didn't know any more than Barney did about what the next test would be – only that there certainly _would_ be one.

He'd expected to find a certain measure of satisfaction in making Barney squirm a little – in taking his usually unflappable confidence and control, and bringing him down a peg or two. He'd expected to feel vindicated in making Barney suffer a little in recompense for the hurt and betrayal he'd committed.

What he hadn't expected was to _enjoy_ it so much.

It was an unexpectedly heady thrill – thinking of Barney with the girl that Ted had chosen for him, going through the motions despite how much he hated the idea. It was surprisingly satisfying to have so much control – to give random orders, devised on a whim to make Barney miserable, and watch as Barney tried to figure a way out of it but eventually…reluctantly… obeyed.

And it was becoming increasingly clear that, whatever Ted ordered him to do – Barney _would_ obey.

Barney's façade was a bit frayed at the edges these days, Ted mused. He usually held it together so well – made everyone believe that his arrogant, obnoxious behavior was the real him – but Ted was beginning to see that there was more to the story than that. Barney tried to present the impression to the world that he didn't need any of them, didn't care what anyone thought of him – but, slowly, it was becoming clearer than ever to Ted that that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Barney _did_ value the opinion of someone – did _need _someone.

Ted.

Barney's obedience was the evidence of his need… and Ted found himself wondering how far he could push the limits of that need without breaking it.

_I'm going to forgive him,_ he told himself. _Either way, eventually… I'm going to forgive him._

_It's just… Barney's all about pushing the limits, whenever and however he can. Why shouldn't I push _his_ limits a little? Let him know what it feels like? Show him that when you hurt people, there are consequences, and you can't just stab someone in the back one day and go back to the way it was the next?_

_He'll call a stop to it sooner or later. He will._

_I'll just… take it a_ little bit _farther…_

"So… laser tag tomorrow night? Meet at my place at seven?"

Lily groaned and rolled her eyes, as Marshall slapped his palm against Barney's in an anticipatory high five behind her back. Although she let out an impatient sigh, her resigned smile told Barney that she really wasn't _that_ put out about the idea. "Aren't we a little too old for laser tag, guys?"

"Yeah," Marshall agreed, turning to face the entire group, his expression one of false disdain. "_Totally _too old for laser tag. Seriously, this has to be the last time…"

Lily gave him a suspicious look, but he just blinked at her with a vaguely confused expression – all innocence.

Ted rose from his seat with a shrug. "It's just… we're always hanging out here, or going to places that you two wanna go to, or me or Robin, and… I just think every once in a while, we should do something _Barney'd_ like to do – and since I think we'd all rather play laser tag than spend an evening at the local strip club…"

The others laughed, and Barney felt his face flush with a confusing blend of self-conscious uncertainty and pleased pride at Ted's consideration – even if it did come attached to a backhanded sort of comment.

"I do other things," he insisted, a little defensive.

"Yeah, but most of those other things aren't group-appropriate activities," Robin smirked. "_Usually_."

Barney's stomach did a strange little flip at her casual comment. He knew that she was probably just trying to make things seem normal again – to make the same kind of joking comment she would have made before everything that had happened between them – but he couldn't help worrying about Ted's reaction. Fortunately, however, Ted didn't seem to notice the possible implications of her little joke.

"Ew." Ted just gave her a little grimace of mingled amusement and distaste before turning to go, waving a dismissive hand over his shoulder. "Night, guys. See you at seven."

Barney bounced a little in his seat in anticipation, though he knew that he would have to be there an hour earlier than the others. Ted had informed him before the others had arrived that his next task would be spending the hour before said evening cleaning Ted's apartment. Barney had grumbled and whined, but had known from the start that he'd eventually give in.

All in all, if that was the price for an evening of laser tag with his friends – specifically, with _Ted_ – then it was a rather small price to pay.

_And weak, compared to his last orders._

_Maybe that's a good sign. If he's wearing down already…_

"Barney, I'm so glad he's finally let all this crap between you two go."

Barney blinked, looking up distractedly at the sound of his name – taking a moment to process Lily's words. She was giving him a sincere smile, relief in her eyes, as she reached out across the table to gently squeeze his wrist before withdrawing back against Marshall's arm around her shoulders. When Barney realized what she was talking about, he looked away self-consciously, swallowing hard.

"Oh… yeah. Me too."

"I mean… it just wasn't the same without you here. We missed you. I'm just… really glad things are all back to normal now, and everybody's friends again, and all's forgiven, and…" Lily's voice trailed off momentarily, and she bit her lower lip, a frown of rueful realization creasing her brow as she went on. "… and… on that really, _painfully_ awkward note that I… didn't realize I was making… um… we should probably be going. Work in the morning, you know. So… good night, guys."

Robin gave Marshall and Lily a little wave and a smile as they scooted out of the booth and headed for the door, before looking back across the table at Barney, her smile fading completely.

"He hasn't let it go, has he?"

Barney flinched slightly, startled by her words, but managing to cover it pretty well. "What?" he asked blankly, shaking his head with a slight frown, as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Ted." Robin's tone was flat, certain. "I can see it. He's… so _not_ over it. Marshall and Lily…" She waved a hand in the direction in which they'd left, rolling her eyes. "Sometimes I think those two only see what they want to see…"

"Some people might call that 'optimism'," Barney pointed out with an affectionate smile, though his heart was racing, his palms damp, at how close Robin was accidentally venturing toward the truth.

Robin snorted softly. "I call it voluntary blindness. Ted… he hasn't forgiven you, has he?"

Barneys smile faded, and he swallowed hard, trying to find the right words to answer her question. It was difficult to formulate a convincing lie, with her staring at him with those piercing eyes that saw far more of him than he was comfortable with being seen. In the end, he settled on an answer that wasn't a lie at all – but wasn't quite the truth, either.

"I broke my own sacred vows of bro-hood," he stated, meeting her eyes matter-of-factly. "I betrayed his friendship, and violated his trust. If some dude did that to me, I don't know if I'd _ever _be able to forgive him…"

"You're not just 'some dude', Barney," Robin reminded him, her tone uncharacteristically gentle as she leaned across the table, a strange urgency in her eyes. "If _Ted_ did that to you – you'd forgive him in a heartbeat, and don't even try to say you wouldn't. I know you better than that."

Barney looked away for a moment, not bothering to try to deny it. After a moment, he looked up at her again, a subtle challenge in his sad, resigned gaze.

"He's… _trying_," he explained, honestly. "Do I really have the right to ask for anything _more _than that?"

Robin held his gaze for a long tense moment, looking as if she wanted to argue – but then looked away, shaking her head slightly with a weary sigh – and her unspoken answer was clear.

They both knew that he didn't.

When she finally raised her sad, apologetic gaze to his again, Barney gave her a bittersweet smile and a nod before tipping his glass to his lips and draining the rest of it. He set it back on the table as he rose to his feet and headed for the door.

"Night, Robin. See you at laser tag tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

As the days passed following their evening of laser tag, Barney began to feel that Ted was indeed running out of steam when it came to his little game. Nearly a week passed, and Ted did not come up with any new tests for Barney to perform. In fact, Ted began treating Barney in the same easy, comfortable manner he always had in the past, before the whole unfortunate incident with Robin.

Better, in fact.

Although he would never have admitted it before, Barney had always felt like a little bit of a second-rate friend as far as Ted was concerned. Ted made a point of declaring at every opportunity how Barney was _not_ on equal footing with his _real_ best friend, Marshall – and the way they'd all reacted to Ted's decision to disown him had only served to reinforce that unsettling feeling of insecurity. It made him feel foolish and pathetic, but Barney had all but resigned himself to the fact that that was simply how it was going to be, and that was at _best_, _if_ he could convince Ted to forgive him _at all_.

But resignation gave way to a cautious sort of hope, as Ted began to go out of his way to spend time with Barney, even when the others weren't available. Several times that week, Ted called Barney up and asked what _he_ wanted to do – something he'd rarely done in the past. Yeah, he'd call and ask if Barney wanted to go along for the ride, if he happened to be particularly bored by whatever he happened to already be doing and want the extra entertainment factor that Barney was so good at providing; but this particular brand of consideration was something entirely new.

He showed up at Barney's office twice that week, offering to treat him to lunch – and Barney had eagerly accepted, rescheduling whatever he'd had planned to happily go off and spend time with the friend he'd almost lost.

_But I didn't lose him, after all, _Barney reminded himself with a sense of relief and contentment. _Maybe this means he really has decided to let it go – that I've been punished enough already._

_Maybe... things can finally get back to normal._

Except – they _weren't_ normal, Barney had to admit. Barney had blown off several important meetings and other work-associated responsibilities that week, in order to spend time with Ted. He rationalized that they hadn't spent any time together in months, and that it was only natural that they'd want to hang out a little more than usual. Still, he felt a vague uneasiness with the realization that if he kept up at this rate, he'd be losing his _job_ in place of his friend.

That was why when Ted called him the following Monday, he knew that he couldn't respond as he had to all of the invitations the previous week.

"Hey, I'm in the parking lot. Where do you wanna go for lunch?"

Barney swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment and forcing back the automatic affirmative answer he wanted to give. Instead, he shook his head slowly, though he knew Ted couldn't see him, and answered with very genuine regret.

"Sorry, dude. I've got a really important meeting today."

It was only half a lie.

In truth, Barney _had_ had a very important meeting scheduled for twenty minutes from then, but the client in question had called to reschedule earlier that morning. Barney knew that, even if they _hadn't_ cancelled, he'd still have been faced with the very real temptation to bail on the meeting to go hang out with Ted.

_And that's a habit you can't afford to make, _he told himself sternly. _Gotta learn to tell him no..._

"Eh." Ted's voice was dismissive, and Barney could almost see his careless shrug. "You can reschedule it, right? Come on, let's go."

"No." Barney forced the word past his lips. "I'm, uh... in the meeting right now, actually, so... I'll just see you..."

"I'll be right up."

Ted spoke over him, and then disconnected the call before Barney could object. Barney stared at the silent receiver in his hand for a moment in indignation, before setting it down a little harder than necessary. His jaw set with stubborn determination, and he shook his head.

_No. No, I'm not going to let him do this. For all he knows, I _do _have a very important meeting today – and I have to draw the line somewhere. _

Barney felt an uneasy fluttering in the pit of his stomach as he stepped out into the hall, aware that Ted would be there within moments, and would find him not in a meeting, but alone and having just very obviously blown him off. He looked frantically left and right down the hallway until he saw a young male intern who was dressed reasonably well.

"Hey, um... _you_..."

The kid looked up, startled, meeting Barney's eyes for a moment before looking around himself uncertainly, then back to Barney again.

"Me?"

"Yeah. What's your name?"

"Peter Biggs?"

Barney let out a rather childish snicker at his answer, before shaking his head and quickly composing himself. "Hey, come in here for a second, dude." He nodded toward his office, then returned to his desk, not waiting to see if Peter would follow.

He did.

"Lock the door and have a seat, okay?"

Peter complied, looking mystified as he sat down in the chair across from Barney's desk.

Barney waited, tapping his fingers together impatiently, as awkward silence filled the room.

"Sooo... Peter Biggs..." Barney smirked again at the name, even as he tried to come up with some attempt at lame conversation to fill the silence. "What do you do here, exactly?"

"Mostly paperwork, and taking out the garbage sometimes, and... and sometimes I get to take stuff to the mail room..."

"Fascinating."

Barney cut him off, no longer listening – not that he really had been in the first place – as he saw Ted approaching down the hall. Ted was smiling, and gave him a little wave as he reached the door and tried to turn the handle. His smile faded to a frown of mild irritation, however, when he found it locked, and he gave Barney a questioning little shrug through the glass.

Barney returned the gesture with a helpless grimace, mouthing, "_Meeting_," to him, then miming holding a phone to his ear and adding, "_Call me_."

Ted looked stunned to have actually been turned down – and that made Barney even more certain that he was making the right call. Still, the look of indignation and rising anger on Ted's face started a now-familiar quivering sensation in his stomach. As Ted visibly drew in a breath, clearly gearing up to protest somehow, Barney sort of just... _panicked_. Before Ted could make any kind of a scene, Barney hurriedly opened the top drawer of his desk and pushed a button on the remote control there, feeling a sense of relief as the blinds that covered the glass walls and door of his office automatically fell shut.

Peter Biggs was staring at Barney in utter confusion, with just a hint of wary suspicion, as if it was quite possible that he'd caught Barney in the middle of losing his mind. Barney gave him a bright smile, waiting a few moments, still tapping on his desk, before cautiously pressing the button to open the blinds again.

Ted was nowhere to be seen.

"Right. Okay, then. You can go."

Peter rose slowly from the chair, backing toward the door, seemingly more than happy to comply. As he left Barney's office, Barney let out a shaky sigh of relief.

_Well. That was... easier than I thought._

_And... Ted will understand. It's work. It's not like I really had a choice – or, I wouldn't have, if my meeting hadn't been canceled. Ted has to understand that I can't just – just drop everything because he happens to call. If things are really getting back to normal between us, then... then he _will _understand that. _

_He's done with the stupid tests, and we're friends again. So... he'll understand... right?_

Deep down, despite his self-reassurances – Barney wasn't quite sure.

Ted's steps gradually quickened with anger as he made his way back out to the street.

_He blew me off. I can't believe he... he just _blew me off.

Some rational part of Ted's mind that wasn't caught up in his hurt and indignation reminded him, quiet and insistent, that Barney was at work. It wasn't as if he could just drop everything, every time.

_Even if he always has before..._

As Ted tried to go about the rest of his day, he couldn't shake the unsettled, agitated feeling, couldn't stop thinking about the way that Barney had so totally _dismissed _him. And Ted knew that he'd had a valid reason. It wasn't that it was unreasonable, or not something he could understand.

It was just... that it had never happened before.

_And I've been going so easy on him lately, too,_ Ted fumed. _He was doing so well, I thought I'd give him a little breathing room... let things just be normal for a while, remind him what it is he's working so hard to earn back – and this is how he repays me!_

_He's getting too comfortable, _Ted decided that evening, after Robin had left for work. _Settling in too much, thinking everything's back to normal – well, it's _not. _Time for another test, maybe. Keep him from getting too sure of himself..._

He walked out to the street and hailed a cab, then headed across town to Barney's apartment.

The first two rings went unanswered, but Ted was persistent. He could hear music – low and sultry and enticing – coming from beyond Barney's door, and knew that he was at home, and probably not alone.

That particular thought only served to increase Ted's agitation, and he pounded on the door, hard enough to rattle the hinges.

Finally, Barney answered the door, wearing a dark blue silk robe that, despite its length, left very little to the imagination. "_What_?" he demanded, irritated – before his eyes went wide with surprise, and his expression of annoyance faded to an anxious, uncertain look of vague guilt. "Ted. Hey. What... what's up?"

"I should ask you the same thing." Ted grinned disarmingly, raising his eyebrows and glancing past Barney into the apartment, though from the doorway, there was no sign of anyone else inside.

_She must be in the bedroom..._

Barney's expression softened with relief at Ted's smile, and he met it with a leer, rolling his eyes pointedly toward the bedroom and explaining, "Got company. Make it quick, bro."

"Is she hot?"

"Smokin'." Barney nodded, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other. "_Dude_. Don't make me make her wait..."

"No, I wouldn't do that," Ted insisted, his voice deceptively mild, before his smile faded completely and he met Barney's eyes with a deliberately hardened gaze. "I'm gonna make you make her _leave_."

"What?" Barney stared at him in shocked outrage. "No!"

"No? Really?" Ted's tone was pointed, his eyebrows raised in a challenge.

Barney swallowed hard, biting his lower lip anxiously as Ted's unspoken meaning sank in. He glanced longingly toward the bedroom, then back at Ted. His voice was less defiant, more uncertain, when at last he broke the silence.

"But... I thought..."

"No one ever said our arrangement was over, Barney," Ted reminded him. "So... I guess you have a decision to make."

Barney's jaw set stubbornly, and he crossed his arms over his chest in a weak display of defiance that Ted already knew would fail. He could already see the defeat in Barney's eyes, even as he voiced his protest.

"You can't tell me who I can sleep with."

"So... you're going to trade our friendship for one night of sex? Really?" Ted paused a moment, lending more weight to his final, pointed word. "_Again_?"

Barney flinched slightly, and his voice was hushed and a little wounded. "That's not what me and Robin were. It was... more than that."

Ted felt a smoldering heat of anger building within him at those words, and Barney's eyes went wide in alarm at whatever it was he saw on Ted's face, as he hurried to clarify.

"No, that's... that's not what I mean. It was... it was _comfort_. Solace."

Ted let out a derisive sneer, rolling his eyes. "Maybe for Robin it was. We both know what it was for you." Barney opened his mouth as if to protest, shaking his head slightly – but then abruptly changed his mind and lowered his gaze to the floor, offering no argument as Ted continued, "Make up your mind, Barney. Lose her – or lose _me_."

It took every ounce of his will to turn on his heel and walk away, without waiting for Barney's decision. He waited on the sidewalk across the street, however, pacing back and forth for a few minutes, until he'd almost decided that Barney had chosen the girl over him.

Then, he saw a beautiful blonde come storming down the steps of Barney's apartment building, pulling on a jacket as she went, her hair messy and disheveled, flustered and furious as she tried to hail a cab.

There was little question as to what had her so upset.

_Yep. That would be her, then._

Satisfied, Ted began trying to flag down a cab of his own, and made his way back toward MacClaren's.

He couldn't quite explain the little thrill of victory he felt at the knowledge that Barney was alone and frustrated up there in his own apartment – at the knowledge that he was willing to do so many things that he didn't want to do, just because Ted wanted him to. He just knew that it gave him a rush of satisfaction to know that when it came right down to it, Barney had chosen _him_ – and would, every time.

The questions aroused by Barney's rejection earlier that day were laid to rest, and Ted felt that all was right with the world again – because Barney had proven that now, as always, there was one person who came first in his life.

Ted.

An uneasy feeling began to settle in the pit of Ted's stomach as a new question occurred to him, one to which he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

_Robin and Barney together made you jealous, yeah... but why?_

_Because he was encroaching on your territory... or... because _she _was?_


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next couple of weeks, Barney seemed to shift back into the same cautious, tentative mode he'd been in with Ted since they'd made their secret "arrangement". Ted's most recent test had served its purpose, in reminding Barney that he was still not out of the woods yet when it came to earning back Ted's friendship – and reminding him of just who exactly was in control of the entire situation.

_Had to happen_, Ted told himself. _He was getting a false sense of security there for a little while – and that's not good for either of us._

Ted continued to make it worth Barney's while to continue going through with his tests, spending more time with him one-on-one than he'd ever spent in the course of their friendship, being his wingman when he needed one, doing everything he could to not only appear to be Barney's friend again in front of their other friends, but to really _be_ Barney's friend again – and Barney seemed grateful for it.

Still, there was always this underlying tension, stretched taut just below the surface. The uncertainty in Barney's eyes when he'd cast an anxious, questioning look in Ted's direction while the others were distracted; the cautious way he still avoided making jokes at Ted's expense, or paying too much attention to Robin; the way he seemed so pitifully eager to please, all the time these days – it was all both deeply unsettling, and immensely satisfying to Ted.

And if _Barney_ was confused – well, it just seemed to be the order of the day.

Ted was having troubles of his own, figuring out what he wanted, what he hoped to accomplish with this whole complicated game that seemed to be getting more complicated by the day.

Ted found himself more and more preoccupied with thoughts of his would-be best friend, and it wasn't all related to the tests he was putting him through. Even when Barney wasn't around, Ted found himself wondering where he was, what he was doing. He found himself contemplating the next time they would spend time together, all day long while he was trying to work, and even when he was spending time with other friends.

On some level, Ted knew that this preoccupation was not exactly normal, and wondered what was causing it – but it was not the most troubling development he was experiencing.

He'd never have thought that he would ever find himself _jealous_ over _Barney_.

Ted watched from their usual booth at MacLaren's, pretending to listen to whatever funny story Lily was telling about her day at work – but really, his attention was focused across the room, where Barney leaned on the bar, chatting up an attractive blonde.

He was wearing a lavender shirt under a charcoal pin-striped suit that fit him entirely too well, and his brilliant smile was in full effect as he rolled his eyes and shook his head, feigning self-conscious denial over something the woman beside him had just said – no doubt some flattering comment that he was pretending not to believe.

When Barney ducked in closer to the woman, reaching out a casual hand to brush against her arm before getting the attention of the bartender to get her another drink, Ted bit back a growl of frustration. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to call Barney over to their table and stop him from carrying out the rest of his seduction.

_But you can't. It'd just look too weird. Besides, the last thing you need is for him to realize that you actually_ care _who he goes home with tonight…_

_And… why_ do _you care, anyway?_

He tried to focus on the conversation at his table, with an effort dragging his gaze away from Barney and his latest conquest; but within moments he found himself distracted again, his eyes compulsively taking in the artful innocence with which Barney was stalking his prey – all smooth words and warm smiles and false vulnerability mingled with suave confidence.

Ted wanted to strip it all away – to take the façade apart piece by piece until nothing was left but the very genuine vulnerability and need beneath it. He imagined Barney slowly losing that careful composure, his defenses falling away…

_God, what is_ wrong _with you? This is _Barney_, for Pete's sake!_

_Why are you thinking this way?_

Ted tried to ignore the way his breath quickened, his heart pounding and his palms damp at the unbidden thoughts that filled his mind, as he muttered a half-hearted excuse that he didn't even remember the next minute, and left the table, heading away from MacLaren's and Barney's incredibly confusing presence as quickly as he could manage.

Judging by the way the pretty blonde, Holly, was glancing at him from beneath lowered lashes, touching her hair and casually touching _him_ whenever she could get away with it, Barney knew that he was only minutes away from closing the deal with this one. He reached out across the bar to gently brush his fingertips across her wrist, lowering his voice to a hushed, suggestive tone as he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

Just as his cell phone went off, loudly shattering the moment by letting him know he'd received a text message.

Under ordinary conditions, Barney would have simply ignored it and checked it later.

These days, he didn't dare.

A heavy knot settled in the pit of his stomach as he took the phone from his pocket and flipped it open. He knew even before he read the message on the screen that it was from Ted.

"_Why don't you take your new friend upstairs?"_

Barney's stomach lurched, and he glanced back toward the table, where Marshall and Lily now sat by themselves. Robin had left for work an hour earlier, and Ted had at some point disappeared – and apparently, at some point not that long ago. He quickly set his phone to vibrate – just in case – and then shot back a quick text with one hand while pretending to listen to whatever Holly was saying.

"_Why?"_

The sick, nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach intensified when his phone vibrated in his hand again, and he glanced subtly down at the screen while Holly was distracted, trying to get the bartender's attention to order another drink. Barney's heart clenched when he read the sharp words on the screen.

"_Just do as you're told."_

Barney instinctively bristled at that, but managed to suppress his annoyance for a moment, giving Holly a bright smile. "Would you excuse me for just a minute?" he asked in his most charming, apologetic tone. "I promise I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

He made his way to the privacy of the men's room, locking himself into an empty stall before typing out his answer to Ted's demand.

"_Why? Are you up there waiting so you can watch, pervert?"_

The wait for Ted's response was unnervingly long. Barney swallowed hard, staring at the blank phone and wondering if he had accidentally hit on exactly the truth. Finally, however, his phone lit up with a new message.

"_EW. No. Quit asking why. The whole point is that it doesn't MATTER why. You just do what I want you to do."_

Barney raised a single eyebrow at his phone, still confused, but tremendously relieved.

"_And right now, what you want me to do is to have sex with a stranger in your apartment? You're a sick, sick man, Mosby."_

Long moments passed, and Barney had almost decided that Ted wasn't going to reply, when the next message came through.

"_Left the door unlocked for you, so hurry up. Don't want it left unattended for long."_

And then another, immediately following it:

"_Don't even think about using my bed, or the couch."_

Barney frowned, shaking his head slightly, trying to think what options that left him.

When it finally dawned on him, he froze, an icy trickle making its way down his back.

_Robin's_ bed…

"_Okay, Mosby, that's just wrong."_

"_Sleeping with your bro's ex is what's wrong. This is nothing."_

Barney opened a new blank message, but he was still trying to come up with a decent response when his phone vibrated again.

"_Just do it, Barney. Or not. Your call."_

Fifteen minutes later, Barney was leading Holly up the stairs to Ted's apartment, only hoping that the place looked decent, and neither Ted nor Robin had left anything lying out that might serve to be an embarrassment to him. He took out his own key and pretended to unlock the already unlocked door before leading her inside.

As soon as he could, he excused himself to the kitchen with the excuse of making Holly a drink, but his mind was racing, completely preoccupied with the conversation he'd had with Ted, and Ted's most recent orders.

_Why would he want me to do this? Is this just some kind of sick, twisted form of payback on Robin, in his mind? Or some way to prove to me, in some typically convoluted, pseudo-psychological Ted-logic way, that what I did with Robin really _was_ just meaningless sex? Like, if I could do this with some other chick, in her bed…_

_God, I _can't_ do this… but… but if I don't…_

"Barney?" Holly called, a teasing laugh in her voice. "Did you get lost in there?"

"Just a minute," Barney called back, too distracted to even try not to sound distracted. "Be right there."

_How will he even know if I go through with it or not? Surely he's not lost it enough to have like… planted a camera in Robin's room, or something like that? No, not Ted… _

… _but… then what's keeping me from just… calling this off and sending this chick home right now?_

Barney didn't really know the answer to that question – only that something _was_ keeping him from calling it off. He wasn't sure how Ted could possibly know whether or not he went through with his demands, when Ted was not here to see for himself; but somehow, he knew deep down that Ted _would_ know.

_And it's not like you weren't going to sleep with her anyway. It's not like you're doing anything that different than what you were already going to do. It's just… that you're doing it in_ Robin's bed…

_God, what are you_ doing? _This is so… so_ wrong…

But Barney took the drinks back into the living room, lingering only a little while before coaxing Holly into the bedroom. He didn't turn on the lights – didn't want to risk any unfortunate photos or undergarments or other personal things of Robin's being seen, and thereby giving away the fact that this was not his own room.

He also didn't want to have to think about where he was, and what he was doing there.

_Robin will never know,_ he reassured himself. _It's not going to matter, because she'll never know about this…_

_But… if she ever_ did…

Barney tried his best to put it out of his mind and simply do what he'd done before, countless other nights. He tried to focus on the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips… a warm, welcoming mouth yielding to his slow, enticing kisses… the soft sounds of pleasure that issued from the mouth of the woman beneath him – and for the most part, he managed to stay in the moment.

Holly certainly didn't seem to notice anything off.

About twenty minutes after they'd finished, however, Barney found himself faking an emergency phone call. He offered profuse apologies, promising to call her, as he hurriedly got dressed, pretending to have to leave to go to the hospital to meet a friend who'd just been taken there.

"That's okay, I totally understand," Holly assured him, sitting up and pulling the blankets up around her. "Should I just… I'll just get dressed and go."

"Thanks." Barney nodded with a smile that was both grateful and regretful at once. "It's just… my roommate might freak out if he came home and there was a stranger here, you know?"

"That's fine," she insisted. "I just hope your friend's all right."

_Oh, no. My friend is so completely and totally_ not _all right._

"Thanks," Barney offered weakly as he walked Holly to the door. "I'll call you."

More than ever, he was absolutely certain that he would never be calling her again. And if she happened to be the obsessive, clingy type and ended up showing up at Ted's door looking for him at some later point in time, well – it would serve Ted right.

Barney returned to the bedroom to get his phone, watch, and wallet from the bedside table, turning on the light on his way into the room. He tried not to look at the bed – _Robin's_ bed – as he finished putting himself together, prepared to get out of that room, out of Ted's apartment, as quickly as possible.

A slight creaking sound drew his attention from his morose thoughts, and Barney glanced up in the direction the sound seemed to have come from – Robin's closet.

The door was open an inch or two.

Barney froze, his mind racing as the pieces began to fall into place.

_How could Ted possibly know if I did what he said or not? Why was he so insistent that it be exactly_ here, _and nowhere else? Why would he want me to do this in the first place?_

Barney turned deliberately away from the closet, putting his wallet into his pocket and heading toward the door. In the doorway, however, he paused, not quite looking toward the closet as he smirked and spoke in a knowing tone of barely veiled mockery.

"Bye, Ted. Hope you enjoyed the show."

The muffled thud, followed by the sound of startled movement from behind the closet door was all the confirmation Barney needed – and immensely satisfying. Without waiting for the impending confrontation, he walked out of Robin's room, and out of Ted's apartment, slamming the door behind him


	7. Chapter 7

All that night and the following day, Ted didn't call Barney, or text him, or contact him in any way.

It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to. In fact, he was dying for some kind of contact – just to let him know where things were between them after his humiliation of the previous night. It was slowly driving him insane, wondering what Barney was thinking about him right then, what conclusions he might have drawn as a result of Ted's latest ill-fated "test". He really wanted to call Barney, if only to somehow gauge his reaction to what he had discovered, and the state of their relationship at the moment.

He simply had no idea what to say.

He'd picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number many times in the past few hours, but every time he found himself just staring at it, his finger hovering over the call button, his heart racing and his brow broken out in a cold sweat at the very thought. Every time he imagined Barney picking up the phone, he felt panicked, humiliated. It was as if this entire, carefully constructed situation of his own making was swiftly careening away from him, and he had no idea how to bring it back under his control.

He had no idea why he'd done it in the first place.

Or at least, no idea that he wanted to consider.

_What must he be thinking of me right now?_

Ted's face flushed with shame at the thought, and he swallowed back the hard, sick knot in his throat with difficulty, the memory of the mingled triumph and disgust in Barney's voice as he'd left filling his mind.

_God… what if he tells the others? Surely he wouldn't. I mean… he has to know that if he did, he'd lose any chance of earning back my friendship. And that still matters to him, doesn't it? Of course it does. Just because of what happened last night, it doesn't really_ change _anything, as far as our arrangement… right?_

Ted thought back to the night before, and the difference in the way Barney had spoken to him then, and how he'd spoken to him for the past few weeks. The caution, the pitiful desperation to please, had vanished, replaced with the same old cocky arrogance that Barney had always had in the past.

It was strangely infuriating to Ted, and he found himself opening and closing his fists at his sides, his jaw clenched with repressed anger – and a deep, inexplicable desire to do something, _anything_ to wipe that smug confidence out as he'd always been able to do in the past. He was supposed to meet Barney and the others at the bar in a few minutes, and a part of him was eager to get there, hoping that he would be able to do something to reassert his power – but deep down, he knew better.

The simple truth was that due to his single misstep of the night before – Ted no longer held the same power he'd wielded for the past few weeks.

_And Barney knows it. That's the problem._

As Ted made his way downstairs to MacLaren's, he couldn't stop his mind from envisioning the scene that might be awaiting him there. His cruel imagination conjured up nightmare images of a laughing, exultant Barney telling the story in gloriously exaggerated detail to Marshall, Lily, and Robin, just as Ted entered, to be faced with their stares of varying degrees of amusement and disgust.

_Maybe he didn't say anything. Maybe he's just as embarrassed as I am. I mean – to tell them about what happened last night, he'd have to tell them the rest of it too, wouldn't he? And I don't think he wants them all knowing what a desperate, pathetic fool he's made of himself these past few weeks, right? He wouldn't do that, would he?_

_Unless… he could also let them know what a desperate, pathetic fool_ I _made of _myself…

_Yeah. This is _Barney_ we're talking about. He'd _totally_ do that_.

It was enough to make Ted stop just outside the door for a long moment, his hand trembling on the handle, unable to make himself go in – until a couple of attractive young women approached the entrance, hesitating and giving him uncertain looks, and he realized that his indecision was causing him to block the doorway. Steeling himself for whatever was to come, Ted gave the girls a tight, forced smile and nod of silent greeting, opening the door and stepping back to allow them to enter before following them inside.

It was exactly as he'd imagined it.

Barney was sitting at their usual booth, surrounded by their friends, who appeared to be paying rapt attention as he told them what appeared to be a fascinating and hilarious story. Barney's eyes shone with laughter, and he seemed confident and vibrant in a way that Ted hadn't seen him look in months. Ted's heart sank as four pairs of eyes turned toward him at his entrance, his stomach lurching as he braced himself for the mockery and revulsion he expected to see in those eyes.

But it wasn't there.

"Hey, Ted!" Marshall called out with a grin. "You gotta hear this, get over here!"

"Yeah, Ted, this is great!" Barney agreed. "You wouldn't even believe this story if you were _there_!"

Barney's voice was warm and welcoming as he beckoned Ted toward the table, but it was impossible for Ted to miss the subtle innuendo in his choice of words, or the almost vicious sparkle of triumph in his icy blue eyes. Ted forced a smile in return as he cautiously approached the table and pulled a chair up to the end of the booth, casually surveying the expressions on the faces of his friends.

Marshall seemed genuinely engaged in Barney's story, and his face did not betray any awkwardness at Ted's arrival. Ted knew that Marshall might have tried to hide any knowledge he might have had of the night before, in order to spare Ted's pride – but he also knew that he probably would have failed in the attempt. Ted knew Marshall well enough to have been able to pick up on any hints of deception there, if there had been any to pick up on – so, evidently, there weren't.

Robin – well, Robin could be cool as ice when she wanted to be, so Ted couldn't really be sure of anything from her friendly if slightly distracted smile of greeting.

Lily – now, Lily was an open book.

The fact that he saw no embarrassment, no awkward glances at the others, no judgment or uncertainty in her gaze, was immensely reassuring to Ted, putting his mind at ease and making him sure that Barney had not said anything about last night. Ted let out a soft, slow breath of relief as he tried to focus on whatever story Barney was telling about his latest juvenile antics.

But the moment he caught Barney's gaze, that relief vanished.

There was a subtle challenge in Barney's eyes as he started over, telling his story from the beginning.

"So… I was chatting up this hot chick at the bar, right? When all of a sudden, my phone starts going off… and it's a text, from…"

Ted tensed, his eyes locked onto Barney's, braced for the worst.

"… an _unknown number_."

Barney smirked as the others watched Ted for his reaction to the story they'd apparently already heard most of. Ted did his best to look unaffected, though his heart was racing, and he felt like he was edging toward the verge of panic again.

"So, I'm curious. I look down and read the text. Guess what it says."

Ted did his best to keep his voice level and even as he replied with a shrug that he hoped was casual and unconcerned. "No clue."

"It says, 'She's hot. Take her home.'"

Lily gave a visible shudder. "Ugh… isn't that the creepiest thing you've ever heard?"

"The absolute _creepiest_," Barney agreed, his gaze never leaving Ted's face, a secret amusement in his smile as he nodded slowly. "But you know… I'm a curious guy. Couldn't just leave that hanging there and not see what would happen, you know? So… I take the chick home."

"And then what happened?" Marshall asked in an eager tone that made it clear he already knew the answer – or _thought_ he did, anyway.

"We go back to her place. And get this… dude _texts_ me her _address_ like, five seconds before she told it to me…"

"And like a moron to the slaughter, you went there anyway." Robin rolled her eyes. "Barney. You realize you could have been like… robbed and murdered and never seen again, right?"

"But I wasn't – and instead, I have this awesome story to tell," Barney pointed out, turning toward her with a raised index finger to emphasize his point. "So, with your permission, I'll continue…"

Robin sighed. "By all means, go right ahead…"

"So we get to the apartment, and everything looks normal and all… and we're getting it on in her bed, when suddenly… I hear the strangest sound… coming from… of all places… the _closet_…"

Ted felt as if he was going to vomit, right then and there – impressive vomit-free streak be damned. He couldn't speak, couldn't react in any way, terrified of giving himself away. Fortunately, his friends were caught up enough in the story that they didn't seem to notice.

"What did you _do_?" Marshall demanded, aghast, before turning toward Ted to add, "This is where you came in."

"_What_?" Ted choked out.

"When you came in a minute ago, this is the point in the story I'd reached," Barney clarified calmly, an innocently curious eyebrow raised. "What else did you _think_ he meant?"

"_What_ did you _do_?" Marshall repeated insistently. "Come on, dude, tell us what happened!"

"Well, I walked over and jerked the closet door open, and there's the girl's _boyfriend _hiding in there… _naked_… with a freakin' _camcorder_! And since nobody but me puts sex tapes of me on the internet, I made him a proposition. He gives me the tape… and… I let him join in."

Ted barely noticed the surprised gasps and other protests of his friends in response to this turn of Barney's story. Barney's tone softened almost imperceptibly, something knowing and cruel in his expression as he went on.

"Come on… the dude's sitting in the closet, watching me… in the bed he shares with his girlfriend…"

A slight twitch of his lips revealed to Ted just how amusing he found not only the almost-fictional account he was relating, but also the present situation, as Barney concluded quietly with a little shrug.

"It was obviously what he wanted, anyway."

After the initial shock of Barney's story wore off, the conversation turned to other topics – but Ted couldn't focus on anything but Barney, and the quiet satisfaction in his eyes. When Barney rose from his seat a half hour later and made his excuses to the group before heading toward the door, Ted made up his mind that he was not going to let this go any farther without addressing the matter, one way or another.

He offered some lame excuse that he didn't even remember thirty seconds later before following Barney out onto the street. He found him leaning up against the wall of the building, hands in his pockets – obviously waiting, as if he'd known _exactly_ what he was doing, and had _expected_ Ted to follow him out so quickly.

Ted found it utterly infuriating.

Before he knew what he was doing, Ted had grabbed Barney by the lapels of his ridiculously expensive suit and slammed him up against the wall on which he was leaning.

"What the _hell_ was that about?" he snarled in Barney's face, eyes narrowed and accusing.

"I might ask you the same thing," Barney pointed out, irritatingly unfazed by Ted's rough treatment of him. "Pretty screwed up thing you did last night. You're just lucky I didn't take it any further than I did in there."

Ted's hands tightened unconsciously in Barney's suit, wrinkling the delicate fabric, though Barney didn't seem particularly concerned with that at the moment. Ted's voice was low with warning, measured but trembling.

"You wouldn't."

"Maybe I _should_!" Barney retorted. "Because you need help, Mosby! Seriously, you are _fucked up_. But hey, I guess I should be glad it happened – because I've finally figured this whole thing out!" He waved a hand in a vague gesture to indicate the entire situation between them. "I finally get it now…"

"Shut up, Barney," Ted cut him off sharply, not wanting to hear what he knew Barney was going to say. "You don't have the first clue…"

"You _want_ me," Barney declared anyway, leaning forward against Ted's pinning grip, his lips twisted upward in a triumphant smirk. "Why else would you be _literally_ hiding in a freakin' _closet_, just to watch me get it on with some random chick? In _Robin's bed_, no less?"

"Please, Barney," Ted scoffed, something defensively vicious creeping into his tone. "You've wanted me a lot longer. It's obvious – to _everyone_. The way you've been acting these past few weeks is proof enough. When I wouldn't speak to you, you couldn't _stand _it. And now, the way you follow me around like a little lost puppy…" he sneered softly, shaking his head in disgust. "It's pathetic, Barney. That's what you are. Pathetic."

"You _wish_ I wanted you," Barney retorted, and Ted took some measure of cruel satisfaction from the tremor in his voice, the flash of hurt in his eyes. "You just _wish_ I'd…"

Ted just wished he would _shut up_.

That was the only reason – _surely_ that was the only reason – but in the next moment, Barney's words were cut off abruptly as Ted covered his mouth in a fierce, bruising kiss that knocked his head back hard against the wall behind him. Barney let out a muffled cry of pain and surprise that was swallowed up by Ted's mouth on his, raising his hands in a weak, half-hearted attempt to push Ted away.

But now that he'd crossed this particular line, Ted knew there was no going back.

He caught Barney's wrists and pinned them against the wall near his head, holding him there firmly as he deepened the kiss, holding him until his struggles finally stilled, and Barney began to return the kiss, his body no longer fighting for distance, but instead fighting for more contact, his hips rolling closer to Ted's as he leaned hungrily into the kiss.

That was the moment that Ted chose to pull away, a cold, victorious smile on his lips.

"I knew it," he said softly, his smile widening when Barney flinched at the words. "You're so obvious, Barney. You really think you're fooling anyone? You're not. You _wanted_ that – and a lot _more _than that."

Barney didn't bother trying to deny it this time – didn't venture a response at all – and suddenly, the mingled hope and hurt in his eyes was more than Ted could bear. The accusation of it – the guilt he felt when he _shouldn't_ be feeling guilty, damn it! It was _Barney's_ fault this had all happened; _Barney_ was the one who should be bearing the blame for it, not looking up at him like some kind of cross between a violated victim and a spurned lover. Ted couldn't stand looking at the expression on his face another moment – so he struck out with a vicious slap that knocked Barney's head back into the wall again.

Barney just took the blow, closing his eyes and swallowing hard, offering no protest, no attempt at self-defense – and that just made it so much worse.

Feeling the need to hurt, to dig in deep into the fresh wound he'd created until there was no doubt left in either of their minds who was really in control here, Ted leaned in closer, gripping Barney's wrists again and moving in until he could speak softly, close to his ear, cruel words spilling from his lips with an ease that startled and frightened even himself.

"Too bad you'll never have it. Because I'd never sleep with a pathetic, desperate _slut_ like you."

Barney flinched again, biting his lower lip as if to hold back something – a retort, a cry – Ted didn't know, and didn't care.

He released Barney abruptly and headed back into the bar. For a few moments he half-expected Barney to come to his senses and follow him back in, and expose Ted's dark secrets to their friends in a fit of vindictive – if totally deserved – payback for the hurt Ted had just inflicted.

When Barney didn't, Ted began to relax, feeling a sense of relief that he had, apparently, won this little battle of wills in which they'd engaged.

_He knows who's boss again now, and won't try anything like that again…_ he reassured himself as he laughed at a joke Marshall had just made and tried to lose his worries in the comfort of his friends' company. _I'm in control again… and everything's going to be just fine…_


	8. Chapter 8

After a mostly sleepless night filled with much deliberation, Ted came to the conclusion that he definitely needed to talk to Barney, to reassure him that, despite the kiss outside the bar, despite Barney's barely veiled defiance in MacLaren's immediately preceding it, everything was still normal between them.

Well – the _new_ normal, anyway.

The incident outside the bar had certainly added a new element to the situation, one which Ted wasn't quite sure yet what to do with – but it had also served to reinforce his control over the situation, Ted was sure. However, if he allowed Barney to see that he was still a little shaken, a little confused by the whole thing, that would just be relinquishing that control again.

He had figured out Barney's obsession with his approval for what it was, called him on it, and proven it with that single, intense kiss to which Barney responded with such open desperation – and now, all Ted had to do was keep on doing what he'd been doing for the past few weeks, to prove to Barney that the incident in Robin's bedroom, the kiss – none of it changed anything.

Nothing was any different than it had ever been.

It _wasn't._

Ted called Barney at work the following morning, holding his breath as he waited for the answer. The tone of Barney's voice when he finally picked up, after four or five rings, was small and uncertain – and utterly reassuring to Ted.

"H-hello?"

Ted kept his own voice casual and light. "Hey, dude. Wanna do lunch today? I'm buying."

"Uh… Ted, I…"

"Great. I'll be there in an hour."

Ted let his voice take on the subtly authoritative edge that Robin teasingly referred to as his "dad voice", leaving no room for argument – and it worked just as well as it had been working for the past few weeks. After a moment's hesitation, Barney agreed in a quiet, subdued voice that used to sound so foreign from his lips, but had become what Ted was used to.

"O-okay. See you then."

Ted hung up the phone with a decided sense of triumph. He was still in control of their arrangement – of their _friendship_ – and nothing had changed. And he would talk to Barney, let him know that everything was all right and that nothing _would _change – at least, not until he was ready for it to.

They walked from Barney's office to a little café across the street; and Ted chose to attribute the lack of conversation on the way to the sounds of the busy city traffic that surrounded them. It just made sense to wait until they were in the relative quiet of the restaurant before saying much.

And, if Barney still seemed quiet and withdrawn as they ordered their lunch and waited for their food to arrive – well, Ted guessed that was more or less to be expected. There was bound to be a bit of awkwardness after the way they had left things, and Ted meant to rectify that right away, to bring things back to the barely tolerable level they'd been at before his last ill-fated "test".

"So, Barney… I wanted to talk to you…"

"I wanted to talk to you, too."

Ted frowned, fighting back the automatic irritation he felt at being interrupted. "Good," he stated, nodding and forcing a tight smile. "Me first."

"No."

Ted raised a single eyebrow as Barney looked up at him, his expression solemn and troubled. His gaze faltered for a moment, falling back down to the table, before he squared his shoulders and met Ted's eyes again, his voice trembling slightly but quietly defiant.

"You said I could always call a halt to this…" He waved a hand in a vague gesture to indicate the entire situation. "… this whole thing… if at any point I decided that it wasn't worth it. And… I don't think it is, anymore."

Ted stared in shock, suddenly breathless, literally feeling as if he'd been punched in the stomach. "Wh-_what_?"

Barney looked away again, drawing in a deep breath before looking up at Ted once more. "The… the manipulation. The mind games. I… I'm sick of having to worry about it. I'm sick of… of _all_ of this..."

"What mind games?" Ted scoffed, defensive. "You knew from the beginning _exactly_ what this was. Everything was really straightforward, Barney – and you know that, bottom line… you brought all of this on _yourself_…"

"No." Barney shook his head slowly. "Ted… this was all _your_ idea. You came up with what you wanted to happen, and then… didn't really give me a choice about it." He was quiet for a moment, a slight, bitter smile on his lips when he continued. "I always knew you were just a little bit of a douche, Ted. But I never… I never thought you were _cruel_."

Barney stood up, and Ted reached out instinctively to grab his arm, looking up at him, urgency in his eyes and in his voice. "Barney, think about what you're doing. You're frustrated, and… and confused. I get that. But, just sit down and talk to me…"

"There's nothing to talk about…" Barney froze when Ted touched him, not pulling away – but not sitting back down, either.

"Barney… you think you want to do this, right now… but you're going to change your mind later on," Ted insisted. "Think about all that you're giving up if you walk out that door."

Barney nodded once, closing his eyes, and for a moment Ted thought he'd gotten through to him, as Barney gently pulled free of Ted's hand on his arm and turned as if to go back to his seat. But then, instead of sitting down, Barney merely took out his wallet and put a couple of bills down on the table – more than enough to cover the cost of both of their meals – before turning once more and heading swiftly, purposefully out the door.

Barney didn't come around for a few days after that.

Their friends wondered aloud where he was, and why he wasn't answering any of their calls – and Ted pretended to be as puzzled as they were. Privately, however, he was slowly going out of his mind.

_He'll come around,_ he told himself. _He _has _to. He can't just stay away from all of us forever – and he can't really come around them without running into me. He can't just avoid the situation indefinitely. _

_If he'd just _talk_ to me…_

Ted's thoughts kept going back to the moment when he'd kissed Barney, his mind replaying every detail, each instant drawn out in his memory. He'd done it to prove a point – to force Barney to admit that his constant need for Ted's approval, his desperation for his friendship, was really so much more than that – to admit how much he _needed_ Ted.

And with every day that passed in Barney's complete absence, Ted was more and more convinced that it had backfired spectacularly.

_You wanted to bring to light how much he needed you… and yeah, maybe you did._

_But that's not_ all _you brought to light, is it?_

As much as he hated to admit it, when Ted had kissed Barney, he'd allowed something to surface from deep within _himself,_ as well – something he'd never imagined existed. As much as he knew that Barney wanted not just his friendship or his approval but _him, completely_ – Ted had to admit that he wanted Barney, too.

Each day that he was gone from their little group only emphasized it more.

_He'll call. Eventually, he'll give in… and he'll call._

Ted told himself so day after day, resisting the temptation to call Barney himself. Countless times each day, he found himself taking out his phone, hesitating over Barney's number – but each time, he made himself put it away again. He knew that calling Barney – revealing how badly he wanted contact with him – would only serve to give Barney the upper hand again.

_And he_ will _give in. Sooner or later. He _has _to. And when he does – then_ I'll _be in control again… _

But as time went on with no sign of Barney, Ted began to doubt his certainty, and the temptation to call Barney grew stronger.

Four days after their aborted lunch meeting, Barney walked into MacLaren's – and Ted barely managed to suppress an audible sigh of relief at the sight of him. Instead, he made himself look away with barely a glance, continuing his conversation with the others as if he hadn't even noticed Barney's entrance.

"_Barney_!" Marshall sounded as relieved as Ted felt when he caught sight of their friend, beckoning him over to their table as Robin and Lily both called out to him at the same time. "Where _were_ you, man? It's been ages."

"Four days, to be exact," Barney clarified with a teasing grin, clearly thrilled at how much he'd been missed. "Geez, you people can't deal with just a few short days without the fascinating tales of my misadventures to keep you from getting bored? I just went on a little business trip."

"Without telling any of us?" Lily scolded, one eyebrow raised in her best stern, teacher look. "That's kind of dangerous, Barney – especially when you work for Evil, Incorporated…"

Barney gave her an exaggeratedly shocked, offended look as he took the empty seat which just happened to be next to Ted. "GNB is _not_…"

"It might as well be," Lily insisted. "And anyway, that doesn't matter. If you leave town for days at a time, it's always a good idea to let your friends know you'll be gone."

"Yes, ma'am." Barney sighed, rolling his eyes. "Should I get a crossing buddy before crossing the street next time, too?"

His tone was light and playful, but as he spoke his gaze drifted toward Ted – and there it was. Ted suppressed the smile he felt at the uncertainty in Barney's eyes. Barney still cared, Ted knew – if only because he knew how easily Ted would be able to cut him off from the group again, if he so chose. Ted had proven it the last time, when he'd disowned Barney as a friend, and Barney hadn't spent any time with _any_ of them for _months_.

Robin was the first to leave the group, on her way to work. When Lily and Marshall announced that they needed to go a little while later, Barney moved as if to rise from the booth as well – but Ted subtly caught his wrist on the booth between them, his firm grip preventing Barney's hasty escape.

Ted noticed the visible, convulsive swallow in Barney's throat, but Barney didn't do or say anything to alert the others to what Ted had done. He just smiled at them and waved goodnight with his free hand as they headed out the door – before pointedly turning in his seat and glaring at Ted. Unfazed, Ted gave him a satisfied smile.

"I knew you'd be back."

Barney gave him a resentful sneer, rolling his eyes. "Please. Like I'm back for _you_." The words stung, and Ted's eyes narrowed angrily as Barney went on, meeting Ted's eyes, his tone quiet and unhappy. "You know this is all I've got, Ted. You _know_ that. It's not fair that you can just… just take it away from me anytime you like."

"No one's taking anything from you, Barney," Ted insisted, his voice softly, patronizingly patient. "It's your choice. Always has been."

Barney let out a frustrated scoffing sound. "You know I don't _have_ a choice," he snapped. "If I did, trust me, I wouldn't be here."

But Ted knew better.

Barney had yet to free his wrist from Ted's now much gentler grasp.

"Actually…"

Ted's voice was low and enticing as he casually ran his thumb across Barney's wrist, and Barney looked up at him sharply, wariness mingled with that same ever-present hope in his eyes – and something else. Ted could see it so clearly now – that faint, barely veiled longing in Barney's expression, that tiny part of him that still clung to the possibility that Ted was so subtly, deliberately entertaining. Ted leaned in closer, his free hand slipping under the table to rest on Barney's thigh. Barney jumped slightly with surprise, but didn't quite pull away, as Ted concluded in a hushed, secretive tone.

"… you have a choice to make _right now_."

Barney swallowed hard, his gaze arrested by Ted's piercing eyes, his voice hoarse and trembling slightly as he responded, barely over a whisper.

"A-and what's that?"

A sly smile played across Ted's lips before he leaned in even closer, close enough to whisper his enticing words in Barney's ear.

"Whether or not you're going to come upstairs with me."


	9. Chapter 9

"_Come upstairs with me."_

Barney was terribly confused, tempted – and bordering on sheer, outright panic.

He stared at Ted in disbelief as he drew back, waiting for Barney's response. His heart was racing and his mouth dry as he studied Ted's face closely, trying to read the inscrutable smile on his lips. Ted's hand was warm and firm on his wrist, his thumb tracing slow circles while his other hand slid up Barney's thigh. Barney willed himself to pull away from the unfamiliar, if not unwelcome, contact; but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it – not when he'd wanted this for so long.

He hadn't allowed himself to admit it, not even to himself – not until that utterly unexpected kiss outside MacLaren's. At that moment, even through the shock and confusion and apprehension over what Ted was doing, and why – it was as if the pieces had fallen into place, and Barney suddenly understood the past few years of their friendship in a new light.

What Ted seemed to be offering now was the fulfillment of a dream he'd only just begun to admit he even _had_. And yet, when mingled with the emotionally brutal and sexually confusing mind games Ted had been playing for the past few weeks, it was a dream that Barney felt was too dangerous to allow himself to entertain. In fact, he'd just about decided that even _friendship_ with Ted was too dangerous, at the moment. He'd come into MacLaren's tonight with the intention of trying to see whether or not the others were still his friends, in spite of the way he'd cut things off with Ted – only to have Ted pull _this_.

_Oh, God… what is he trying to_ do _to me?_

"Ted… I don't… I mean…" he stammered, shaking his head slightly, trying to put together a coherent thought from the fragmented bits and pieces that filled his shell-shocked mind. "What are you doing? I mean… w-why are you _doing_ this?"

Barney hated the tremor in his voice, hated the overwhelming sense of vulnerability he felt – but he couldn't help it.

He was so very, very _scared_.

Barney had spent the last four days miserable and lonely, in his own apartment, not on any business trip for GNB. He hadn't dared to come around the bar where he knew the others would be. He was too angry at Ted, too sick of his mind games, to give in to his conditions again – and yet he knew how easily Ted could turn his friends against him if he decided to do so.

_And… they're the only friends I've got in the world right now. I can't… I can't lose them – and Ted knows that. And it doesn't really matter what he's done. I still don't want to lose _Ted_, either. For some reason, no matter how much I hate him sometimes for the crap he's pulled these past few weeks – he's got some kind of a hold on me, some kind of a pull that I can't quite get away from…_

_And he knows _that,_ too. _

Ted's smile faded a little with Barney's questions, and he shifted nearer across the seat, his hand on Barney's leg squeezing gently, his voice hushed and secretive. "I'm only doing what you've wanted me to do for a long time, Barney," he pointed out, a knowing look in his eyes. "Don't pretend like you haven't. I know you've wanted this. And now – I'm offering."

Barney shook his head, suspicious. "I… I don't get you, Ted. Why would you…?"

"Come on, Barney," Ted cut him off, something hard and sharp creeping into his tone, his eyes glittering with challenge. "This is your chance. Don't tell me you haven't ever wondered what it might be like."

And Barney couldn't, because he really, _really_ had. _Often_. In his most private, secret fantasies that he would never have dreamed of admitting to anyone, Barney had imagined many times how his friendship with Ted might progress to something more.

He'd just never imagined that it might happen like this.

He'd never imagined that it would actually _happen, at all_.

Abruptly, Ted removed his hands from Barney, drawing him swiftly out of his thoughts, as Ted nudged him with his shoulder.

"Get up," he requested, his tone light and casual. "Let me out. I'm going upstairs."

Barney blinked, startled by the sudden change of pace, as he automatically obeyed, and Ted got up. Barney sat back down, but on the edge of the booth, biting his lower lip as he glanced toward the exit.

"Make up your mind," Ted advised with a disarming smile and a little shrug – but the smile swiftly faded into something cool and warning as he added, "I won't wait long."

Barney sat in the booth after Ted left, glancing uneasily between the table and the door, his fingers drumming nervously on the table as he tried to figure out what was happening here, and what options he had – though he didn't seem to have many. He didn't want to give up his friends – didn't want to give up _Ted_ – but his instincts were screaming at him to run, as fast as he could – that whatever Ted had in mind for him would certainly be taking the unpleasant mind games to a whole new and even _more_ unpleasant level.

_You don't want to do this. Going up those stairs would be the biggest mistake of your life, Stinson. Just get up and walk out the door – and_ go home.

Barney lasted exactly ten minutes before he got up, walked out the door – and up the stairs to Ted's apartment. He found the door unlocked, and hesitated just a moment, drawing in a deep, shaky breath before turning the handle and walking inside.

He had barely managed to close the door behind him when he was shoved off balance, his back hitting the wall beside the door with enough force to momentarily drive the breath from his body. He gasped, but as quickly as he was able to regain his breath, it was stolen from him again by Ted's mouth, covering his in a demanding kiss. Ted's hands caught his arms, pinning him back against the wall as Ted drew back, his own voice a low, gasping whisper of triumph.

"I _knew_ you'd come…"

The eagerness in his voice was punctuated by the desperate aggression in his kiss as he resumed it, hands roaming possessively from Barney's arms to his chest, then down to his waist, fingers sliding suggestively just beneath the waistband of his pants. Barney couldn't remember a time when he _hadn't_ wanted just exactly this, _so much_ – and he found himself responding, despite the warning alarms sounding in his mind. He returned Ted's kiss, his own hands drifting hesitantly away from the wall to slide around Ted and pull him closer.

_Wait, wait…_ why? _Why_ now? _Why is he doing this? _

With a supreme effort, Barney managed to break away from the kiss, his breath shallow and rapid as he turned his head away, just barely out of Ted's reach, his eyes wary and searching on Ted's face.

"What…" he gasped, shaking his head slightly, "… Ted… what are we doing? What _is_ this? I… I can't. I can't _do_ this if it… if it doesn't mean anything…"

Ted blinked at him in disbelief for a moment, before letting out a harsh, incredulous laugh that made Barney flinch and look away. Ted leaned in close, his voice low and cruel as he spoke softly in Barney's ear, not allowing him to escape the painful truth in his words.

"That's really something, coming from _you_, Barney. They _only_ time you do this is when it _doesn't_ mean anything."

Barney closed his eyes against the prickling burn behind them, swallowing hard. He struggled to get his protest out, his voice thick and trembling. "That's… that's not…"

"Shut up."

Ted's voice was hard with an angry, accusing edge, and Barney immediately fell silent. Ted drew back slowly, putting a couple of feet between them, and Barney fought the instinctive impulse to follow, acutely feeling the abrupt loss of contact. He pressed his palms against the wall behind him, struggling to steady himself, when every part of him felt hollow, vulnerable, trembling so hard that he felt as if he was shaking apart inside.

"I think you're forgetting yourself, Barney," Ted sneered softly, that warning edge still clear in his voice. "You don't tell me how this is going to work. I tell you. Unless, of course, you want to just walk away. There's always _that_ option."

Logic and common sense told Barney that in that moment, that was probably the _wisest_ option.

Barney had never been ruled by his logic or common sense.

Barney tensed, his eyes still closed, as he felt Ted move in close again, the heat of his body radiating through Barney as Ted slid one thigh between Barney's legs, one firm hand sliding up his side while the other shifted lower, resting just below his hip. Ted's voice was hushed, teasing, as he broke the taut silence that had fallen between them, his words punctuated with slow, languid kisses along the line of Barney's throat.

"Can you honestly… look at me… and tell me… that that's what you want?"

Barney bit his lower lip, not moving, his entire body taut and trembling with the conflict taking place within him. He didn't want to give in and go along with whatever Ted had planned for him tonight, didn't want to _want_ what Ted was doing to him at all.

And yet, he really, _really_ did.

There was a calculated cruelty about Ted's actions, a controlled seduction that made it clear to Barney that whatever was going to happen here, was going to be on _Ted's_ terms – and that meant that in the end, it wasn't likely to be particularly pleasant for _Barney_. Still, what seemed to be happening – what had _already_ happened – was so much more than Barney had ever allowed himself to hope for, that he couldn't bring himself to give up this chance, no matter what his better judgment was screaming at him.

"So?" Ted smirked as he drew back to meet Barney's heavy-lidded eyes – but his own were dark and hazy with need, as well, and his voice was husky and trembling slightly. "You going?"

Barney was silent for a long moment, soft gasps falling from his trembling, parted lips. Finally, he shook his head slowly. "No," he whispered, his answer barely audible, yet impossible to miss.

"Good." Ted's smirk softened slightly into a knowing smile, his tone soft and yet somehow unyielding as granite, sending a shiver of helpless apprehension down Barney's spine. "Get on your knees."

Barney hesitated only a moment before obeying, flinching slightly at the sound of Ted's zipper going down, his heart pounding at the touch of Ted's warm, slightly callused hand reaching down to cup his cheek and turn his face upward. Ted's eyes were dark with lust, shining with some indiscernible intensity of emotion, his voice low and hoarse as he spoke with a quiet urgency.

"Show me, Barney. Show me how far you're willing to go for me."

It wasn't the first time Barney had ever gone down on another man.

It _was_ the first time it had ever been about anything more than sex for him.

Ted's words echoed in his mind, his challenge and his motivation as he took Ted into his mouth. Encouraged by the sharp, shuddering intake of breath that was Ted's reaction, Barney intensified his efforts, pulling out all the stops and employing every trick he'd ever learned in his brief experience with giving in this particular area – and limitless experience with receiving.

Barney felt Ted's body begin to tremble as he leaned back against the wall behind him for support, and the helpless frustration he'd felt at being pushed into this vanished, swallowed up in a heady sense of power at the knowledge that _he_ was the one that was doing that to Ted – he was the one that was making his of-late insufferable, condescending, overpowering friend absolutely _come apart_ under his touch.

Ted was close, Barney could feel it – but before he could complete his task, Barney felt Ted's shaking hand close around a fistful of his hair, jerking his head back forcefully. Barney yielded with a sharp little cry of pained protest, as Ted held him back, reaching down with his free hand to guide his throbbing cock as his release overcame him.

Barney had been fully prepared to swallow when it came to that point.

He had not been even remotely prepared to have Ted _deliberately_ hold his head in place so that he couldn't pull away as he came all over Barney's face.

Barney let out an indignant yelp, struggling to pull away – but Ted's hand in his hair tightened painfully. He shook Barney slightly in warning, and Barney went still, biting back the little sound of pain that rose to his lips. Still panting with the exertion of his release, Ted crouched down in front of Barney, leaning in to kiss his mouth, hard and breathless and demanding.

Barney finally jerked his head away, glaring at Ted, his face flushed with resentful humiliation. "That was the most degrading thing that I've ever been a part of," he stated coldly, unable to hide the slight tremor in his voice.

Ted quirked an eyebrow upward skeptically, and Barney gasped in surprise as Ted's free hand slipped down to palm the front of his pants – the fabric now stretched taut over the embarrassing evidence of Barney's own arousal.

Barney felt his face flush hotter with shame as he looked away, no longer able to hold Ted's gaze. He'd committed countless filthy sex acts with countless people, so this shouldn't have been such a big deal – but it _was_… because it was _Ted_.

"And you're getting off on it," Ted observed with a soft sneer. His tone was strangely gentle, almost affectionate, as he added with a soft chuckle, "Dirty little slut."

Barney's lips parted automatically to object, but it was difficult to do so with Ted's tongue in his mouth. Barney wanted to pull away, knew that he should – but the kiss was slow and gentle, strangely intimate, and he found himself drawn in against his will, returning it before he knew it. Ted's hand in his hair was no longer painful and grasping, but gentle, caressing – and Barney found himself slipping his own arms around Ted and drawing him in closer.

Finally, when they were both a little lightheaded for lack of oxygen, Ted slowly withdrew, a soft smile on his lips. Barney tried to quell the irrational sense of hope he felt at that smile, tried to remind himself of everything else that had happened between them these past few weeks – but Ted's incongruously gentle words still struck like a dagger through his heart when they came, casual and quiet and coolly matter-of-fact.

"I'm going to take a shower now. And when I come out… I expect you to be gone."

Without another word, Ted rose to his feet and headed toward the bathroom, leaving Barney staring after him in dumbstruck, painful confusion.


	10. Chapter 10

As Ted made his way into the bathroom and closed the door, he tried his best to keep his movements calm and controlled, and not betray his own emotions to Barney, still kneeling on the floor where Ted had left him. He couldn't let Barney see how unsettled he was by the whole situation – couldn't give him the level of control that would come with such knowledge.

As he undressed and got ready for his shower, Ted was trembling with the exultant rush of power he felt in the wake of what he'd just done.

_Oh, shit, I can't believe I just did that… and _Barney_…_

_God._

_I can't believe _he _just did that._

The image of Barney on his knees, eyes wide, lips trembling with a shuddering breath as he prepared to obey Ted's command - a little shiver of heat went through Ted's body, and he felt his arousal building again with the thought. His hand fell thoughtlessly to stroke his slowly swelling erection, and Ted closed his eyes, leaning his head back, relishing the hot sting of the water against his skin.

The vulnerability, the desperation in Barney's eyes, as he'd eagerly taken Ted into his mouth, willing to do _absolutely anything_ Ted asked of him in order to gain his approval, his acceptance – it was a heady, thrilling sensation, to be aware of the power he held over his friend.

Ted's hand trembled as it moved over his cock with firm, rhythmic strokes, and he leaned back against the wall, focusing on the vivid mental image of Barney's wince of pain and surprise as Ted had gripped his hair and yanked his head back, the wary, fearful vulnerability in his eyes – that had been swiftly replaced with shock and outrage as Ted had reached his release.

And yet, when Ted had crouched in front of him and kissed him, Barney had yielded readily to the gentle intrusion – and when Ted had coldly ordered Barney out of his house, Barney had quietly, submissively complied.

That hurt, bewildered look… that fearful submission… the rush of _complete power_…

God, it was just _too much_…

Ted gasped out a strangled little cry, panting for breath as he came for the second time within thirty minutes. His knees felt weak, and he braced himself against the wall for a few moments, struggling to catch his breath, blinking against the dark starlight that seemed to obscure his vision.

As his breathing returned to normal and the crescendo of pleasure faded away, reality settled back down around him – and Ted suddenly felt completely, violently ill. He barely made it out of the shower and onto his knees before his stomach revolted against him, expelling its contents into the toilet. His brow broke out in a cold sweat, his heart racing with something very different from the pleasure and arousal he'd felt only moments earlier.

_You just_ got off _on the idea of your best friend scared and helpless and humiliated. What does that say about who you are? What kind of person gets off on that?_

_What kind of person_ does _that? _

_God, Ted… what is _wrong _with you? _

Once the sick feeling had finally faded, Ted's troubled thoughts still remained. He paced the floor of his apartment, his cell phone in his hand, mentally debating what he should do from this point – and ultimately, doing nothing. Finally, he went to bed, his thoughts still racing with questions and uncertainties, worried accusations mingled with dark desires in his mind.

Ted barely slept at all that night.

Ted took a deep breath as he paused outside the door of MacLaren's the next night. He expected his friends to already be there, and while he didn't expect Barney to have said anything to them about what had happened the night before, he _did _expect Barney to be _there – _quietly accusing and superior and _knowing,_ knowing about the secret desires that Ted had managed to hide so well, for so long – until now_._

And really, that was all the more fuel Ted's agonizing guilt would need.

Ted had given Barney the upper hand again, he knew, in his attempt at regaining control of the situation.

_Just call him aside and apologize,_ he told himself. _Tell him you don't know what you were thinking, and it won't happen again, and the two of you can just go back to being friends again. This whole thing has gone on long enough, anyway. Just… just try to see if there's any way things can just go back to the way they used to be…_

He steeled himself for the worst as he forced himself to enter the bar, struggling to bring a casual smile to his face as he joined his friends. No one acted as if anything was wrong – which was exactly as he had expected. The only seat left available was next to Barney, and Ted felt a little sick as he slid into it and forced himself to meet Barney's eyes, braced for the smug, disgusted awareness he expected to see there.

But instead, all he saw in Barney's uncertain, searching gaze was the same desperately attentive look he'd seen the night before, just before Barney had submitted to his demands and opened his mouth and…

Ted swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as a familiar heat began to build low in his stomach at the memories of the night before – but it wasn't just the memories that were having such an effect on him. It was the familiar look on Barney's face, the questioning expression that seemed to be silently asking, once again, what Ted wanted of him – and the knowledge that whatever the answer to that silent question might be, Barney was utterly, completely prepared to give it.

It was a mind-blowing realization for Ted – and more temptation than he was prepared to resist.

Before he knew what he was doing, Ted's fingers seemed to have moved of their own accord, sliding across the few inches of booth that separated them and resting with casual possessiveness on Barney's leg, just out of sight of the others. He felt Barney tense slightly under his touch, sensed his eyes darting toward Ted in a wordless question – but Ted didn't so much as look in Barney's direction as he tried to look as if he was paying attention to the conversation the others had been having when he'd sat down.

Barney flinched slightly at the unexpected contact – but he didn't object, and he didn't pull away.

Ted felt like he'd just won another small victory – and he was slowly but surely becoming addicted to that feeling.

He tried to focus on the conversation at the table for a few minutes, at least for long enough to keep from appearing suspicious, all while idly stroking Barney's thigh under the table. He took great pleasure in edging his fingers slowly upward while Barney was talking, and barely managed to suppress his smirk at the slight break in Barney's voice.

When he couldn't take the temptation anymore, Ted excused himself to the men's room, but not before giving Barney's leg a brief squeeze and meeting his eyes in an almost imperceptible, meaningful look. Once the door to the restroom had closed behind him, Ted walked to the sinks, avoiding his own reflection in the mirror as he braced his hands on the sink in front of him and tried to catch his breath.

_What are you doing, Mosby? This is crazy. This shouldn't have happened_ once… _or twice, or however many times you've let yourself go here… and it_ definitely _shouldn't happen_ now… _No, you just need to turn around and go back to that table and don't touch Barney or give him secret looks or even _think _about this ever again…_

The restroom door opened, and Barney stepped inside. Their eyes locked instantly – and before he knew what he was doing, Ted was across the room, gripping Barney's narrow shoulders and pushing him up against the wall hard, his mouth falling on Barney's in a forceful, possessive kiss. Barney yielded to it readily, and the muffled, needy little whimper that escaped his lips went straight to Ted's groin, intensifying his desire.

He tightened his grip on the impossibly soft, obscenely expensive fabric of the suit Barney was wearing, pinning him helpless against the wall – but Barney abruptly turned his head away from the kiss, his eyes dark and hooded with lust, but still wary through the haze of desire that clouded them.

"Ted," he whispered, his voice thick and hoarse. "Please… what… what are we…?"

"Shut up," Ted muttered, pressing down hard on Barney's shoulders to drive him to his knees.

Caught off guard, Barney lost his balance and fell onto the dirty concrete floor with a sharp, indignant little cry.

"_Ow_!" he snapped, glaring resentfully up at Ted. "Careful, dude! This is a two thousand dollar suit!"

Ted smirked, crouching down in front of Barney and deliberately grasping the lapel of Barney's jacket, crumpling it between his fingers, his amusement only increased by Barney's expression of horror. Horror gave way to something else, however, something deeper and more primal, as Ted's free hand gripped Barney's hair and jerked his head back abruptly.

The convulsive swallow visible in Barney's throat, the trembling, uneven breath that fell from his parted lips, sent a heady rush of power through Ted, and he leaned in close, his mouth nearly touching Barney's ear, as he responded at last.

"And I'll do whatever the hell I want to it," he sneered softly. But even as he spoke, his hand released the luxurious fabric, sliding under Barney's jacket to rest, firm and warm and possessive, against his side, stroking slowly back and forth as he added in a low, dark tone, "And to _you_."

Gratified by the shiver he felt run through Barney's body at those words, Ted reached up to slide the jacket back off of Barney's shoulders, but didn't bother to push it off all the way. No, he decided as he took in the nervous question in Barney's eyes, the way his arms flexed uselessly against the thick fabric now bunched around them – no, he much preferred to leave the jacket where it was, a makeshift form of gentle bondage that would keep Barney helpless to his attentions.

Ted gripped the gathered fabric and twisted it, pulling Barney's wrists further behind his back, before tucking the crumpled suit under the toes of Barney's shoes and effectively pinning his arms. He took a sadistic sort of pleasure in the way Barney whimpered in protest, glancing over his shoulder toward the now ruined suit coat. Ted was fairly certain that Barney was more upset about the damage to his suit than he was about the fact that he was kneeling, essentially bound and helpless at Ted's mercy on the dirty bathroom floor.

When Ted carefully reached to unzip Barney's pants, however, his attention immediately focused forward again. He swallowed hard, staring down with wide eyes as Ted reached into his pants and firmly grasped his hardened arousal, giving him a slow, experimental squeeze.

"T-Ted," he whispered. "What are you… what…"

Ted leaned in close again, holding Barney's gaze until he was too close to do so any more. "I said _shut up_," he whispered in his ear, giving a vicious little twist of his hand that drew a sharp little cry to Barney's lips, though Ted was pleased to see that he bit it back, silencing it before it could escape his mouth.

Ted kept up his rough, inexperienced but utterly effective efforts, his grip just a little too harsh and a little too tight – until Barney let out a soft little groan, his back arching slightly, the muscles of his arms visibly clenched through the taut fabric that encased them. Ted smirked at the warm, wet rush that abruptly fell over his hand, spilling over the front of Barney's pants.

Barney hadn't yet noticed the damage, too lost in his own physical release. Ted grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in firmly for a kiss, to which Barney eagerly responded, his arms straining against their bonds to touch – but Ted reached a hand around to gently hold his arms down, a silent order to which Barney easily complied.

When Ted drew back to break the kiss, Barney struggled to catch his breath, blinking hazily as he became aware of his surroundings again. He glanced down with a little grimace at the front of his pants, his eyes widening with dismay.

"Oh, crap," he muttered.

"Yeah," Ted smirked. "Looks like you've got a little problem there, don't you?" He rose to his feet, running an affectionate hand through Barney's hair as Barney turned his head to stare up at him in disbelief.

"You're… you're not gonna…"

"Your suit all covered in come… totally obvious what you've been up to if you walk out there like that… and no extra clothes… that could be more than a little embarrassing." Ted went on without regard for Barney's words, heading toward the door. "Hope you figure out what to do about that."

And he went to rejoin the others at the table without a backward glance.


	11. Chapter 11

Gradually, the fading sparks of pleasure gave way to the slowly spreading heat of humiliation, as Barney's sex-hazed mind finally regained the ability to form a coherent thought. He stared down in rising dismay at the ruins Ted had left of his suit, wondering how in the world he was going to get himself together enough to be able to set foot outside the bathroom.

Not that staying in the bathroom necessarily guaranteed a lack of humiliation. Barney's face flushed as he imagined the picture he would make to anyone who happened to enter the men's room at that moment, to find him kneeling on the floor, his dick hanging out of his open pants, his clothing all rumpled and disheveled and covered in come – the picture of wanton debauchment.

_Oh, crap. Someone could come in here any second! Get up, you idiot, get up off the floor!_

Barney scrambled to his feet and staggered toward the sinks, gripping the edge of the nearest one to steady himself – but staring down at the sink for a long moment, not yet ready to face himself in the mirror. Instead, he splashed some cold water on his face, dried it with a towel, then did his best to adjust his clothing to display the least possible amount of damage – which was still far too much for his liking.

He wet a few paper towels and did his best to wipe away the stains on the outside of his pants, ignoring the disgusting feeling on the inside of them as he slipped out the bathroom door, peering around the corner out into the main room. He could see his friends, seated at their usual table, laughing at something Ted had just said – and Barney's heart began to race, a sick feeling of humiliation creeping over him.

_He wouldn't tell them. Surely he wouldn't. He's just… distracting them. Putting on his act, like he's been doing for the last few weeks. _

Barney cast a resentful glare in Ted's direction before slipping back out of sight.

_And he's getting pretty damn good at it._

Barney glanced up and down the narrow hall where the restrooms were located, currently his hiding place, in search of any other escape – and, mercifully, he found one. He wasn't quite sure how he'd managed to come to this bar for the last five years without ever realizing that there was an emergency exit in this hallway. He was just desperately relieved and grateful to find that there _was_ one.

Praying that opening the door wouldn't set off an alarm, Barney slipped out onto the street. He held his breath for a moment – but nothing happened, and he let out a sigh of relief, resting his head in his hands for a moment and drawing in a deep breath, trying to steady himself a little, before heading down the sidewalk a little ways, wanting to put some distance between himself and MacLaren's before hailing a cab.

He ignored the odd looks the driver kept giving him on the way home, certain that as appalling as he must look, he couldn't possibly be the most pathetic, disgusting fare this cabbie had ever taken. Besides, Barney was fairly well distracted with trying to make sense of what was happening between him and Ted.

He had no idea how they'd gotten here – how they'd gone from a few demeaning but relatively harmless tests of his friendship, to a dirty hookup in the men's room at the bar.

_We have to talk about it,_ he decided as the cabbie stopped outside his apartment building. _That's all there is to it. Forget the tests,_ forget _all that. We're way past that now. We need to talk about what this is, before it goes any farther, because… if we don't… things will inevitably get awkward, and there won't be any coming back from it, and no matter how hard I've been trying to do what he wants and make him happy… none of that will matter…_

_It'll be the end of our friendship, anyway_.

But over the next couple of weeks, _talking_ didn't seem to be high on Ted's list of priorities.

He sought Barney out repeatedly for similar hookups, manipulating circumstances to get the two of them alone, twice more at MacLaren's, and twice in Ted's bedroom while Robin was at work.

The first time, Barney tried to protest – and the second – but Ted had very effective ways of swiftly shutting him up, and making him forget why he'd wanted to object in the first place. The third time, Barney didn't bother trying to talk Ted out of what he wanted to do – mostly because a large part of _Barney_ wanted it, too.

He knew it wasn't right. There was so much about the entire situation that was so painful – just so irrevocably _fucked up_.

The way that Ted would talk to him and treat him in those stolen, secret moments – his usually kind voice uttering harsh commands, then filling Barney's ears with whispered, filthy, degrading words while he carried them out; his hands grasping and rough and demanding, not caring whether or not they hurt; his eyes cold and warning, daring Barney to object, or to refuse him the next time, when he inevitably walked away.

But there was always a little tremor in Ted's whispered words, an almost imperceptible sound of desperation that told Barney how much Ted wanted him – a raw, open need in his grasping, possessive hands, as if Ted couldn't stop touching him, and couldn't stand the thought of anyone else touching him, either – and a resignation, a certainty in those cold eyes every time he walked away… because they both knew that he'd be back again.

And to add to the confusion, Ted no longer seemed to question their friendship – at least in public. He didn't come up with any new "tests" for Barney to perform. He just started acting as if everything was normal between them again – except when they were alone together.

Then, he treated Barney like his own personal whore.

It was disturbing and degrading and… yeah, a little hot… and _more_ than a little confusing.

It didn't take Barney long to decide that he needed to get some advice.

"So…" he began, not quite making eye contact as he slid onto the under-sized plastic bench across from the one on which Lily was sitting, mopping up a spilled carton of milk off the tray of the child seated beside her. "I've got this problem."

Lily looked up at him incredulously before glancing around the cafeteria with a worried frown. "What are you doing here?" she demanded. "How did you even get in here? Only the main office door is unlocked right now, and all visitors have to sign in…"

"I signed in," Barney insisted, defensive. "I didn't… sign my own name, but…"

"_Barney_!" Lily cut him off sternly, getting up quickly and moving around the table to snatch a piece of pizza away from a child who appeared to be trying to use it to comb the hair of the child seated next to him. "I'm working, okay? You should probably go."

"Lily, I'm desperate," Barney pleaded, even as he rose to his feet to comply. "Please. Don't you have a few minutes? It's… kind of an emergency…"

Lily stopped for a moment in front of him, her frown deepening as she studied his face with suspicion – that gradually softened into concern. She glanced at her watch before nodding slowly.

"Okay, she relented with a sigh. "I don't have a few minutes now, but come back in an hour. They'll be napping then, so just come to my classroom." Barney opened his mouth to express his gratitude, but she held up a stern finger in his face, adding in a warning stage whisper, "But this had better not be some disgusting sex thing, Barney, because I needed six weeks of therapy after the last time…"

"It's _not_," Barney lied with conviction. "I swear. Thanks, Lily, I'll be back in an hour. Thank you _so much_, you are _awesome_…"

"Barney…" Lily turned away from the child she had just set gently but firmly back down in his seat to face him with a soft but impatient sigh. "I'll _see you later_. Okay?"

An hour later, Barney found himself seated cross-legged on the carpet of Lily's classroom, watching as she went around to each child and made sure that they were all asleep, or headed swiftly in that direction, before turning off the light. Sunlight filtered through the closed blinds, giving them just enough dim light to see by, without disturbing the sleeping children.

"Okay," Lily said in a hushed tone as she mirrored Barney's position on the floor beside him. "What's the deal?"

"I just… I've got this… _situation_," Barney began, choosing his words cautiously. "And… I just need someone else's perspective on it. I… I think I'm not seeing it clearly because I'm too close to the situation, so…"

Lily raised a single, dubious eyebrow. "That's very self-aware of you, Barney," she observed, something vaguely _knowing_ in her tone that made him feel self-conscious and exposed.

He gave a dismissive little shrug, looking away uncomfortably. Sometimes it seemed like Lily was the only one of his friends capable of seeing through the carefully constructed façade he presented to the world, and acknowledging the existence of the deeper, more vulnerable side of his personality – the side he tried so hard to pretend did _not _exist. It was unsettling and a relief at the same time. It was both why he came to her at times like this – and why he always put it off until the last possible moment.

"So… say I've got this… _hypothetical_ friend…"

"Marshall or Ted?"

Barney's stomach lurched a little at how close she'd gotten to the truth, so quickly, but he just rolled his eyes at her, forcing a little smirk to his lips. "That I kind of have a _thing _for…" he added pointedly.

Unfazed, Lily nodded. "So, Ted, then," she decided.

Barney stared at her in disbelief, his heart lurching with alarm. After a few seconds, he managed to regain his composure enough to give her a withering glare. "Great. _Don't_ take my crisis seriously. What _else_ is new?"

"_Kidding_," Lily broke in, reaching out to rest a gentle hand on his knee for a moment. "Sorry, Barney. It was just a joke."

Barney gave her a wary, resentful look before looking down at his lap again, swallowing hard. He tried not to wonder whether or not she'd _really_ been joking, or whether she might have picked up on the changing dynamic between him and Ted. Instead, he focused on coming up with a plausible enough version of the truth to keep Lily from figuring it out, while still, hopefully, providing him with useful advice.

"So… this friend," he continued cautiously. "That I have feelings for…" He gave Lily a pointed look as he went on, "She's… been giving me signals that… maybe she feels the same way. I think. I mean… I think they're signals…" Barney gave Lily a smug smirk as he added, "if letting me _nail_ her every other night or so is a signal…"

"Ew, Barney." Lily rolled her eyes. "You said this wasn't a sex thing…"

"I said it wasn't a _disgusting_ sex thing," Barney amended, holding up a finger to emphasize his point. His smile faded and he met Lily's eyes, adding before she could protest, "And… it's more than that. It's not _just_ about the sex… for me, anyway."

Lily frowned thoughtfully for a moment – and then her eyes widened with realization as she observed, "Barney Stinson! Am I to understand that you've actually slept with this mystery woman _more than once_?"

"Yes, Barney confirmed. "We have sex all the time actually – and usually, she's the one to start it. But then, afterwards, she wants me to leave right away. She kind of… runs hot and cold, you know? Like… she'll just call me up out of the blue to hook up, but then… _after_ the hook up… she's kind of…" He hesitated a moment, his face flushed with embarrassment as he confessed, "… kind of _mean_. Kind of… shuts me out for a while. And… she doesn't seem to want to take things any farther in any _other_ way – just sexually."

Lily just blinked, staring across the room at nothing, still apparently stuck on the last part of the conversation. "You're… sleeping with someone. As in… an _ongoing _sleeping with someone. _Repeated _incidents. Of sex_._"

"Right," Barney confirmed flatly. "We've established that. The thing is… what would you say if I were to tell you…" He glanced up at her uneasily, biting his lower lip as he admitted softly, "… that… I kinda think… I might want it to be… _more_ than that? _More_ than just… repeated incidents of sex?"

Lily studied him for a moment before giving him a rueful little grimace. Her tone was knowing but sympathetic as she replied at last, "I think I'd say something like, 'Ever hear of a little thing called karma?'"

Barney's heart sank with those words, and he looked away – but it must have shown in his eyes before he did, because Lily reached out to him again, putting a gentle arm around his shoulders and scooting in closer.

"Aw, you're really into this girl, aren't you?" she observed softly.

He nodded, not looking up from his hands, fidgeting idly in his lap.

Lily frowned suddenly, tensing slightly as a new thought occurred to her. "It's not Robin, is it?" she demanded. "Do I have to have a stern talk with her?"

"No, no," Barney assured her. "It's not Robin. It's not… anyone you know, actually…"

_I don't think she'd recognize this side of Ted if she saw it. Sometimes_ I _don't even think I know him anymore._

"Sometimes I forget that you actually have _other_ friends," Lily teased, nudging him with her shoulder.

Barney responded with a grudging little smile, rolling his eyes – before the smile faded into a sigh, and he looked down again, dejected and at a loss.

"Barney," Lily began at last, "I think you just have to decide exactly what it is that you want from this girl – and then you need to tell her. And… if she can give you that, then, great. But… if she can't…" Lily's words slowed, becoming cautious and gentle, as she went on, "… if all she wants really is just the sex, then… then you'll have to decide whether or not that's something you can deal with. You have meaningless sex all the time, but… that's with strangers, and… and this girl is a friend. So… if you're okay with that being all you get from her, then by all means, carry on with the disgusting acts of perversion." Her teasing smile faded as she concluded, "But… if you want more than that, and she can't give it – then you'll have to put a stop to things. Because if you don't, sooner or later – you're going to end up hurt."

Barney nodded slowly, accepting her advice – but his heart sank with defeat at her words.

He was pretty sure he knew what Ted's answer would be if he broached the subject – and he was pretty sure that it was far too late to spare himself the heartbreak.


	12. Chapter 12

Deep down, Barney knew that Lily was right.

He wondered what she'd say if she knew that his hypothetical – whatever Ted was to him these days – was actually _Ted_, and not just some random girl with whom he'd happened to make an unexpected connection. He imagined her shock, and what she might say if she knew the way that Ted talked to him, the things he did to him when it was just the two of them – and what she might say if she knew how much even the most degrading of those things turned Barney on.

He imagined that she would have a lot _more_ to say than she'd said that day in her classroom.

But he knew, although he hated to admit it, that she was right. Things couldn't keep on going this way indefinitely, with Ted simply taking what he wanted from Barney whenever he wanted it – and playing Barney so expertly in the process that, despite the fact the he _knew_ he was being manipulated, Barney couldn't bring himself to refuse him.

Ted knew how to do things to his body that had Barney questioning whether or not this was actually Ted's first sexual experience with a man, as he had claimed. Ted could drive all of Barney's arguments and protests into incoherent need with a single well-placed touch, and always left Barney torn between hating himself for letting this happen again, and desperate for the next time they would get a few minutes alone. The sex was absolutely _mind-blowing_, and that made it increasingly difficult for Barney to say no, regardless of Ted's cruelty.

But it was about more than just the sex – for Barney, anyway.

He had always craved closeness with Ted, had always wanted Ted to need him just a little bit more than he actually did. He'd always been vaguely dissatisfied in their friendship, and a little too focused on their friendship for it to really be _just_ a friendship. And now, now that Ted was giving him a level of contact and closeness that he'd never even allowed himself to _dream_ of – it only made his thirst more desperate for the one thing that Ted was still denying him.

Actual _intimacy_.

_And if I ever actually said that out loud, I'd have to kill myself. And that's why there is no way in the world that I will ever do what Lily suggested, and have a _talk _with Ted about my_ feelings…

Barney grimaced in disgust at the thought.

_I _am _actually still a_ dude.

_But… she's right about one thing. It can't go on like this. I've got to do_ something, _even if that something does not involve a touchy-feely conversation with another guy. _

_No matter how hard it is – I can't let it happen again._

"Barney?" Barney shook his head slightly, startled, as Lily's concerned voice broke through his troubled thoughts. "_Barney_!"

He looked away from the blue, blank television screen he'd been staring at, wondering how long it had been that way as he met Lily's eyes with a falsely bright smile.

"What?"

"_We're leaving_," she said, obviously repeating herself, though he'd been far too distracted to hear her the first time. "The movie's over, and we've got to work in the morning. And so do you, right?"

"Yeah," Barney agreed, nodding. "Yeah, I'm right behind you."

"See you guys tomorrow night at the bar," Marshall said with a warm, tired smile as he opened the door to Ted's and Robin's apartment and ushered Lily out ahead of him.

Barney quickly scanned the room, noticing with alarm that Robin was nowhere in sight. Ted was taking up half the sofa, his head resting on the armrest and his eyes closed as he mumbled a half-hearted response to Marshall's words.

"G'night."

Barney got up from the other end of the couch, following swiftly after Marshall and Lily. If he was quiet and quick, he could manage to slip out before Ted even realized that he was leaving – and to avoid having to deal with the confusion and temptation of where Ted seemed to try to take things every single time they were alone these days.

He had just opened the door when it was suddenly pushed out from under his hand, slammed shut again. A moment later he was shoved off balance himself by the weight of a firm, strong body behind him. Barney's free hand flew up to catch himself, just before his face would have made contact with the door. He tried to push back, to put some space between himself and Ted – but then stopped trying, drawing in a sharp gasp as Ted's hand closed lightly around his throat, Ted's breath warm against his ear, his voice hushed and a little dangerous.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Barney couldn't find the words to respond, couldn't even formulate a coherent thought.

He bit back the moan that rose in his throat as Ted's lips closed gently over the sensitive skin at the side of his neck, then parted to allow his teeth to worry the spot he'd just kissed. Barney swallowed hard, fighting his own desires, trying to remember the arguments he'd prepared for use in just such a moment – and unable to think of anything but the slow heat building low in his stomach, the _need_ for more of what Ted was doing _right now_…

"Wait…" he gasped out at last, pushing back against Ted just enough to give him the space to turn around and face his friend. "Ted, wait a second…"

Ted's eyes were dark and hooded with lust as he immediately moved in close again, ignoring Barney's half-hearted protest. Barney pressed his hands against Ted's chest, trying again, but Ted just caught his wrists and pinned them over his head, moving in for another kiss.

"Ted, wait…" Barney repeated with urgency. "Wait… _stop_." With a supreme effort, he managed to tear his hands free of Ted's grasp, pushing the other man back a couple of steps. "We… we can't do this right now. We… need to talk…"

"No, Barney, I don't think we do..."

Ted's voice was hoarse and ragged. There was a dark, desperate need in his eyes to rival what Barney was feeling, but there was a cool smirk on his lips as he closed the distance between them once more, one hand trailing slowly down Barney's chest. Barney was immediately distracted, watching it, wondering how far that hand would go – and thus missed the motion of Ted's other hand, as it rose to roughly grasp a handful of Barney's hair and yank his head back sharply. Ted's words were harsh and biting, his lips inches from Barney's mouth, as he went on softly.

"See, you just ruin everything when you talk. I like you much better with your mouth shut, so why don't you just keep it that way until I tell you to open it?"

The low, warning tone of Ted's voice… the sharp sting at the back of his head… Ted's hand that had somehow found it's way to his hip and was now rubbing slow, insistent circles, teasing nearer and nearer to Barney's aching, traitorous cock: they were all things that Barney should have rejected, shouldn't have _wanted_ so damn much – but he couldn't help it.

As much as he tried to deny it, this new aggressor act of Ted's was the biggest turn on he'd ever experienced.

But in the midst of it all, Lily's voice echoed in the back of his thoughts, warning him against simply falling under Ted's spell and going along with it like he had every other time so far.

Can't just let it keep happening… have to talk to him… have to find out where this is headed, what he wants from you, how he feels…

But Ted was already kissing him, his tongue roughly plundering Barney's mouth as one hand tightened in his hair to hold him in place and the other found its way to the front of his pants, groping shamelessly at Barney's swelling erection as if he _owned_ it. Barney could feel his resolve flagging in the face of his arousal, and how easy it would be to simply slip into the pattern that had already formed – and suddenly, some part of him seemed to panic at that thought, the thought that maybe it was _already_ too late to derail this disaster before the crash at the end of the line – and Barney tore his lips away from Ted's, gasping in just enough breath to force out the words that he knew would bring everything to a sudden, screeching halt.

"_I told Lily about us_!"

Ted froze for a moment, his hands going still, his eyes wide with shock – shock that was swiftly fading into murderous rage. Barney winced as his head was jerked back harder, and then his breath suddenly left him, stolen by a sharp wave of agony as Ted's other hand clenched tightly around the bulge in the front of Barney's slacks, hard fingers twisting ruthlessly as Ted shifted in closer, trapping Barney's body between his own and the door behind him.

"You did _what_?" Ted bit off the words, his voice trembling with mingled fury and fear.

"I d-didn't say your name!" Barney gasped out, one hand falling to grasp Ted's wrist and try to pull his hand away – but Ted only squeezed harder, giving Barney a warning look that made him swiftly withdraw his hand, holding it up in front of him instead in a trembling gesture of surrender. "_Shit_! Ted, please… I just n-needed some advice, that's all! She doesn't know it's you! She doesn't know _anything, God_, Ted, _please_…"

Ted's grip slowly eased, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What exactly did you say to her?"

Some tiny, vastly overpowered part of Barney's mind was quietly screaming that he should be careful how much he told Ted, how he phrased this – but it was a little too late for that. The pain he was in, in combination with the chilling knowledge that Ted was just one slight motion away from intensifying that pain, took away any shred of caution or restraint Barney might have still possessed, and the words seemed to just pour from his mouth in a stream of desperate, trembling babble.

"Just… just that I had this… _person_ I'd been s-seeing, and… and I didn't know what they wanted or where it was going and what did she think I should do and she said that she thought I should talk to you and find out what this is to you before… before letting it go any farther and just… just please… just please let go, okay, Ted? Because… you're really freaking me out and I c-can't… I can't… breathe… _please_…"

Ted was quiet for a moment, not moving or making a sound – and then, finally, he let go of Barney completely, taking a step backward and giving him a bit of space. Barney collapsed back against the door behind him, gasping in deep, desperate draughts of air, one hand falling to press gingerly over his injured groin, while the other rested over his heart, as he struggled to regain his breath, his composure, and some shred of his tattered dignity.

Ted was silent for a long moment, and then finally broke the silence between them – with a cold, bitter laugh.

The sound sent shivers down Barney's spine, and he looked up at his friend in incredulous confusion.

"First of all…" Ted began at last, his voice quiet and soft in a way that was far from reassuring, "You're not _seeing_ me, Barney. We're not a couple. This isn't a _relationship_."

The sheer contempt in his voice made Barney's face burn with humiliation, and he found himself staring at the floor, unable to meet Ted's eyes as Ted went on.

"All this is… is me, taking back just some tiny fraction of everything that you've cost me over the past few years, Barney. Just some shred of the self-respect and decency that I've lost, simply by letting a piece of trash like you be a part of my life…"

It hurt, it hurt worse than anything Ted had ever done to him physically, hurt bad enough to make Barney forget about the searing ache in his groin. Barney swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the stinging moisture building there, shaking his head slowly.

_He's right. What have you ever given him besides more problems to deal with? How is he any better for being friends with you? He isn't._

_Just look at him _now…

"Stop," he whispered. "Just… stop…"

Ted ignored him completely, edging in slowly closer until he was completely in Barney's space again, leaving him no room to retreat.

"And secondly…"

Ted reached out a hand toward Barney's groin again, and Barney reached out to stop him, drawing in a sharp, shuddering breath in alarm. Ted caught his wrist with his other hand, pinning it back against the wall, shifting sideways to prevent Barney from trying with the other hand. Barney braced himself for the pain as he felt Ted's hand make contact again – but it didn't come. Ted's hand was incongruously gentle – teasing fingertips stroking lightly, with a mockery of affection in his voice.

"… you don't _let _this go any farther. You don't _let_ me do _anything_." Ted leaned in close, his lips twisted up into a cruel smile that Barney felt against his cheek as he whispered, his voice hushed and certain, "_I_ decide when this is over. Is that clear?"

Barney knew better than to argue at this point. Ted's gently invasive hand, cupped almost tenderly over his vulnerable body, was a wordless threat against anything so foolish. His shame overwhelmed him, but in that moment, Barney felt that he had no other choice. He nodded silently, swallowing back the hoarse sob that rose in his throat.

"Good," Ted said softly, drawing back a little with a pleased smile on his lips. His tone didn't change, his words calm and expectant, as he added a quiet command. "Now get on your knees."


	13. Chapter 13

When he finally left Ted's apartment several hours later, Barney was sore and exhausted, barely able to find the energy to hail a cab to take him home. His mind had long since lost the capacity for coherent thought, and the only image that filled his thoughts was that of his warm, comfortable bed.

Once he reached his own apartment, he called his boss's office and left a message on his voicemail, informing him that he'd had a personal emergency, and would be coming in late the next morning. Then, he pulled off his shoes and nothing else, and collapsed onto his bed, dragging the blanket over him and almost instantly falling asleep.

When he awakened in the morning, his body ached even worse, but his mind was clear; and as he made his way to the bathroom mirror to reluctantly take in the damage Ted had done – dark, finger-shaped bruises around his hips and his wrists; one angry red bite mark just below his collar bone; scratches up and down his chest and back where Ted's nails had ruthlessly dug into him, roughly manipulating him into whatever position Ted happened to want at the moment – one indisputable fact echoed in his thoughts.

_This is so completely, irrevocably_ fucked up.

In the entire time that they'd been friends, Ted had spent a lot of time pissed off with Barney. He'd yelled at him before, made infrequent hurtful comments, and the occasional empty threat. But never in all that time had Barney ever felt what he'd felt the previous night.

He'd never been _scared_ of Ted before.

_Yeah…_ Barney surveyed himself in the mirror, avoiding his own face, and the vicious sneer of disgust he knew was there. _So scared that you got off twice on the way he was manhandling you… the way he just shoved you down and held you there and_ took _what he wanted…_

_The way he hurt you._

A shiver went down Barney's spine at the dark, vivid memories of the night before, the sensations still tingling on the surface of his skin as he closed his eyes – unsure whether he was trying to shut out the memory, or make it more real.

_It scared you, yeah… but it also turned you on._

_And that, Barney Stinson, means that _you_ are as hopelessly fucked up as he is._

Because as humiliating and degrading as Ted's treatment of him had become, as hurtful as his words could be and as frightening as his actions were, a part of Barney had begun to _crave_ those very unsettling attentions. If Ted went a little longer than usual before calling him and arranging to meet with him for a little time alone, Barney found himself wondering if he'd done something wrong, worrying about whether or not Ted was going to call him again, whether or not the last time had really been the _last_ time.

And as much as he hated himself for it, Barney had to admit that he didn't really _want_ it to be the last time.

_He's finally paying some attention to me again. He's admitting, even if not with his words, that he wants me,_ needs _me around – in his life. He might not ever say it out loud, but every time he proves that he can't go more than a day or two without calling me up and asking me to come over, it's like…_

_I'm not the only one who's needy and pathetic anymore._

_But… is proving that _worth_ all this?_

In the middle of the night, with Ted's talented hands and shockingly filthy mouth making him come apart, reduced to nothing more than helpless, desperate sensation and desire – in those dark, secret moments – it _felt_ like it was worth it.

_But… it's killing you. Wearing you down._ Barney sighed, resting his head against the headrest behind him as the cab carried him closer to his workplace – where, thankfully, he only had to spend half the day today. _I've never called in like this before. Never because I physically_ had _to. And… it can't happen again. I can't let him push me to the point where I'm losing control of my life…_

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth dry and his stomach lurching as an unsettling realization passed through his mind.

_Some nights it feels like I've lost it already._

He drew in a deep, shaky breath, squaring his shoulders and closing his eyes as he tried to focus his thoughts and prepare himself to face the day ahead of him. He had to get it together before he got to work.

Throughout the day, however, Barney's thoughts kept coming back to The Ted Problem, and although he tried not to dwell on it, he couldn't quite keep his mind off of it. By the time he was ready to head home for the day, he'd reached an undeniable conclusion.

_It's not going to be easy. You've tried once and he managed to talk you out of it… though, actually, there was very little talking involved, but… you can't let him do it to you again. You have to be strong, take a stand, make sure he knows that you're done being treated like his favorite sex toy whenever he gets an itch, and then put away in the drawer until he's ready to play again._

_No matter what it takes – you have to put a stop to this._

Ted woke up very late the next morning, not having bothered to set his alarm. After all, it wasn't like there was anything he _had _to get up for – and he'd worn both himself and Barney out pretty thoroughly the night before.

His stomach lurched unpleasantly at the memories of the cruel words he'd spoken, the violent, demanding way in which he'd touched his friend, manipulating him into the physical and emotional position in which he wanted him. An uneasy sense of guilt mingled with a faint stirring of arousal at the memories, and Ted suddenly felt the need to vomit.

_You're sick, Mosby. Only a very sick person could do the kinds of things you've done to Barney lately…_

Ted got out of bed and made his way to the shower, trying to make sense of what had happened the night before, rationalizing in his mind as the hot water poured over him and soothed the edges of his discomfort.

_And only a sick, sick person would _let _you. This isn't _all_ your fault. Barney's the freaky nympho of the group anyway, isn't he? It's not like he isn't having a good time. For whatever twisted, messed up reasons, he _gets off_ on being treated like that. For all you know, he's deliberately challenging you, pushing you, just to get you to do it._

_Maybe _he's_ the one who's been manipulating _you_ all along._

Deep down, Ted knew that wasn't true. He knew exactly what buttons to push to get Barney to go along with _anything_ – to play on his insecurities, his need for approval, and convince him to do whatever Ted wanted. It was almost like a complex game of strategy, testing his skill and seeing what it would take to bend Barney's will to his own, on any given night.

_Do you have any idea how _sick _that sounds? _

Ted stepped out of the shower, wrapping himself in a warm, dry towel before rubbing vigorously at his hair with a second one.

_You have to_ stop.

But the problem was, at this point – Ted wasn't sure he _could_.

Barney – or more specifically his _power_ over Barney – had become like a drug to him, and he was swiftly becoming addicted.

_It doesn't matter, though,_ he told himself as he got dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, aware that he wasn't going to have to leave the house today. _Not after this last time. Barney will probably want to break it off himself. And… that's for the best, if he does. I need to take some time and figure out what's going on in my head, why I feel the need to do this… maybe talk to someone, get some… therapy, or something… not to see him again tonight, or… or to do any of those things to him again, or…_

_No. Don't go there. It's best if he breaks it off, and if…_ when _he tries to… you should let him. _

_Just let it go, Ted. Just… let it happen…_

_It's for the best. It really is…_

Barney didn't call before heading toward Ted's apartment that night. He didn't want to give Ted any warning, any time to prepare for what he was steeling himself to do.

He had to end this thing – _tonight_.

When Ted opened the door, Barney noticed with some unease that he didn't seem particularly surprised to see him. He stepped back without a word, giving Barney the space to enter, before closing the door and turning the lock again. Barney's eyes darted nervously toward the lock for a moment before he forced himself to turn and face his friend, meeting his calm, dark gaze with a bravado he didn't quite feel.

"It's done, Ted. It's over."

Ted tilted his head slightly in a gesture of mild, bored confusion – and then a soft, knowing smile crossed his lips as he slowly began to close the distance between them.

"_No_," Barney objected, taking a rapid backward step, which brought him up against the door. "No, Ted, I mean it. This thing is… it's crazy, and… and I'm _done_. I'm not letting you do this again…"

But Ted didn't seem to be hearing him, and if he was, he wasn't listening. He pressed in close to Barney, one hand rising to gently fist in his hair and drag his head back a little, the other resting lightly at his waist as he silenced Barney's protests with a firm but patient, leisurely kiss.

Barney didn't kiss back – he _didn't_ – and then, he _was_ kissing back, for just a second, before the memory of why he was there shot through him again like electricity, and he jerked his head away, wincing as he accidentally cracked his temple against the door behind him.

"No," he insisted, trying to ignore the tremor in his own voice, the faint note of pleading that had crept into it. "Ted… _stop_."

He tried to push Ted away, but Ted caught his wrists, pinning them between them with one hand. The thought crossed Barney's mind that if Ted thought he could hold him that easily, he was sadly mistaken – and then the capacity for coherent thought left him as Ted's free hand gently cupped the front of his pants, fingers stroking teasingly through the thin fabric that covered Barney's traitorously responsive body.

Suddenly, Ted's strategy for restraining him seemed not foolish but _genius._

"Stop," he whispered, shaking his head, though he was no longer trying to pull away. "Ted, _stop_…"

"No," Ted murmured against his ear, drawing back to meet Barney's eyes with a wicked smile.

Barney blinked, startled. "Wh-what?"

"No," Ted repeated, shaking his head, his voice low and thick with desire as he let out a soft, knowing laugh that Barney found deeply unsettling. "You expect me to believe that you really want me to? When you're already hard for me and I've barely touched you? Really, Barney?"

"I d-don't," Barney gasped, struggling to find words as Ted intensified his attentions to the erection that was now straining the expensive fabric of Barney's suit pants. "I don't want… I want you to… to _stop_…"

"Liar." Ted smirked. "I've got you all figured out, Barney," he confessed softly, leaning in close to Barney's ear again, releasing his wrists and reaching up to run a hand through Barney's hair.

_Your hands are free, now's your chance. Now's your_ chance, _damn it!_ Do _something, Stinson! Stop him!_

But Barney couldn't move, his breathing ragged and fast, his hands trembling uselessly against the door as Ted tightened his hold on Barney's hair to just the wrong side of painful – and Barney cursed his own response, as his erection jerked slightly under Ted's hand. Ted let out a low, dark laugh, nodding slowly at the confirmation of his words.

"You don't want me to know it, Barney… but this is _exactly_ what you want. Isn't it?"

Barney shook his head in denial, but couldn't find the words to protest, his face flushing with shame as Ted went on.

"You don't want to be romanced or dated or even _respected_ – do you? Because that's not what gets you off. You hate this, you want it to be over, yeah – whatever. Except when it's happening. When it's happening…"

Ted's voice lowered to a hushed whisper as he abruptly grabbed both of Barney's wrists in his hands and slammed them back against the door, together above his head, hard enough to elicit a pained whimper from Barney's lips – but still, he didn't try to break free.

"… when it's happening," Ted went on, each word slow and measured, his grip bruisingly tight, his knee sliding up between Barney's legs and pressing hard enough to make him gasp, "all you want is for me to hold you down and tell you what to do… and then _make_ you do it. Isn't that right? You want me to talk down to you and degrade you and treat you like the pathetic, worthless little slut you are – don't you?"

Barney shook his head, his eyes burning behind his tightly shut eyelids. His throat felt tight and hot, and he was trembling all over, willing himself to push Ted away – and somehow unable to do it.

"You want it," Ted persisted softly, slowly, as if just figuring it out as he went along, "because you believe that you _deserve_ it…"

Barney flinched slightly, still shaking his head. "No," he whispered. "No…"

"And you _do_ deserve it," Ted went on, ignoring his weak protest. "And… you wanted us to be friends again, right, Barney? So… I _am _your friend. And… like a friend should do… I'm going to give you _exactly_ what you deserve… what you _need_…"

"I… I d-don't…" Barney stammered, struggling to find the words to argue, and failing miserably.

Ted ignored him, grabbing his wrists again and spinning him around, shoving him backward hard so that he fell onto the couch. Ted was upon him in an instant, straddling his waist and already working the buckle of his own belt, pulling it off in one smooth motion.

"If you don't," Ted acknowledged Barney's broken protest at last, a single eyebrow raised in challenge. "Then stop me, Barney. You really want this to be over? You want to walk away and never walk through my door again?" He leaned down to meet Barney's eyes directly, a cold smile on his lips. "_Do it_."

Barney didn't.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey, Barney." Robin took a sip of her drink, waiting until Barney turned toward her to direct a pointed nod toward the bar. "Check out the hot blonde who just walked in."

Barney glanced distractedly toward the woman in question, not really paying much attention before shrugging and offering his succinct assessment.

"Eh."

"Oh, come _on_!" Lily protested with a laugh, after a none-too-subtle glance over her shoulder to take in the view. "She's gorgeous, blonde, and busty, and she's working on her fourth drink. She's totally your type."

"She's also flirting with Carl," Robin observed with a smirk, raising an eyebrow in Barney's direction. "Are you _really_ gonna let him tap that first?" Her lips twitched in suggestive amusement as she took another sip of her drink before offering, "I could give you a little wingwomanly assist, if you like."

Barney frowned, glancing between the two women in confusion as he took in the oddly hopeful, encouraging expressions on their faces, briefly replaying the last minute or so of the conversation he'd been too distracted to pay close attention to for most of the evening.

"Wait a second." His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Why are you two suddenly all about helping me score? You're usually mildly repulsed by my attempts to hook up with random bimbos. So… what's with the sudden change of heart?"

Lily and Robin exchanged a look that was a disconcerting blend of guilt and concern, before Robin attempted to explain in a cautious, gentle tone that set Barney immediately on edge with irritation.

"It's still disgusting, Barney, don't worry. We haven't changed our minds about that. It's just… well, I can't remember the last time you took a girl home."

Barney raised a single eyebrow, looking to Lily for clarification.

She nodded with an apologetic grimace. "It's true, Barney. It's been weeks. And… we're just a little concerned because you… well, you don't seem to be quite yourself lately."

"Let me get this straight." Ted spoke up from his spot between Robin and Barney, a vaguely condescending smirk on his lips. "You two are actually _worried…_ because Barney _hasn't _been acting like a two dollar crack whore?"

Barney barely managed to suppress his flinch at those harsh words. Robin and Lily both looked at Ted sharply in surprise and a little bit of alarm, but Marshall was distracted, frowning thoughtfully for a moment before he replied.

"Technically he can't be a two dollar crack whore. Either he's having sex for money, or for crack. Not both. Your contradiction in terms renders your point invalid. _Lawyered_."

"It does not," Ted argued, rolling his eyes and leaning forward in mild agitation. "It has nothing to do with my actual _point_…"

"Don't get me wrong," Lily conceded with a little shrug. "It's not like your usual habits are healthy, exactly, Barney. It's just… they _are_ your usual habits, and… it's just…"

"Weird." Robin finished for her matter-of-factly, looking at Barney. "_Stepford_ weird. It's creepy, dude. You're supposed to come in here every night grossing us out with your stories about your latest conquests."

"Well, the last one… got a little psycho for my tastes," Barney explained, unable to resist casting a brief, almost imperceptible glance in Ted's direction as he spoke. Ted's expression was one of cool amusement, but there was a brief flash of something in his eyes that Barney found both satisfying and alarming at the same time. "So, I'm just taking it easy for a while. Don't worry. I might be taking a time out, but I am most definitely still in the game and topping the scoreboard."

"Good to know." Lily remarked in a flat, mildly sick tone of voice that made it clear that she was already rethinking her concerns. She let out a quiet yawn, reaching for Barney's wrist, and the shiny gold watch it bore, as she asked, "What time is it, anyway? I'm exhausted."

Barney quickly withdrew his wrist in alarm, smoothing down the sleeve of his jacket as he raised his arm to check the time himself, hoping that he'd covered his reaction quickly enough to avoid arousing anyone's suspicions – particularly Lily's, as she was the one who'd been eyeing him warily all night.

"Ten-thirty. You're getting old, Aldrin."

Lily watched Barney closely as he laughed, a little too loudly, and lowered his arm back onto the table, where his free hand began to fidget nervously with the sleeve of his jacket, tugging it down further over his wrist.

But Lily had already seen more than enough.

She waited until Robin had left to catch a nap before work, Ted had gone upstairs, and Marshall had stepped outside to get them a cab, before reaching out toward Barney's wrist again, this time holding on firmly when he tried to pull away, and pushing his sleeve up with her fingertips, revealing what she'd already gotten a glimpse of a few minutes earlier – the mottled ring of dark bruises that covered Barney's wrist, not even slightly covered by the watch he wore.

"What happened?" she demanded quietly, meeting his eyes with a steely resolve that would not allow him to deny her.

He swallowed hard, holding her gaze with a trapped expression in his own, allowing her to hold onto his wrist as he offered a hurried explanation in a voice that was a little _too_ casually dismissive, and trembled just a little too much for Lily's comfort. "Nothing that doesn't happen in my bedroom on a nightly basis, Lily. Like I said, things got a little crazy with the last chick I took home, and… she was a little scary, but… but a good time was had by all, and I'll be none the worse for wear in a week or so. So…"

"Are you talking about _the _girl?" Lily asked, studying his reaction closely. "The one you were telling me about who seemed to be using you for sex?"

Barney flinched at her blunt words, lowering his gaze and shaking his head. "No. I broke it off with her. You were right. She wasn't good for me, so I ended it. No, this was just some… some random kinky bimbo that went a little wild. Like I said… nothing I can't handle."

His tone was light and calm, and he rolled his eyes as he spoke, giving her a bright, reassuring smile as he finally met her gaze again – but Lily was not particularly reassured. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something was just _off_ about Barney's behavior – not just tonight, but for weeks, now – and she was beginning to worry that maybe that something was serious.

"Barney… we're friends, right?"

He blinked in surprise, his cool smile faltering as he answered, "_Of course_, we are. Why is that even a _question_?"

"I just… I just want you to know that… if there's something going on, you can… you can talk to me, Barney," Lily hesitantly explained. "I'm here for you."

Barney stared at her for a long moment before his stunned expression slowly shifted into a soft smile that was both grateful and teasing at the same time.

"Awww, that's sweet, Lil. Is the after-school special over now?"

"Oh, shut up," Lily grumbled, rolling her eyes and finally releasing her grip on Barney's wrist.

"I would, okay?" Barney added, and while there was laughter in his voice, there was also warmth and affection. "If something was wrong – I'd tell you. You know…" he amended with a little smirk. "… as long as I didn't care who else knew."

Barney watched Lily go a few minutes later, relieved that he'd apparently succeeded in convincing her that things were okay. She was by far the most perceptive of their little group, and he hadn't been at all sure that he'd be able to pull it off – especially once she noticed the bruises.

Things were definitely _not_ okay.

He'd given up trying to end things with Ted and decided to just go with it – to play this disturbing, hot, confusing scenario out to whatever its natural end might be. After all, it wasn't as if he wasn't getting any pleasure out of it himself. Ted seemed to take great pride in knowing all the right ways to reduce Barney to a quivering, pleading wreck, in all the right ways.

Of course, he also knew all the _wrong_ ways.

The bruises on Barney's wrists were just the beginning of the numerous marks Ted had left on his body over the past few weeks. Barney's hand drifted absently to circle his wrist under the soft fabric of his shirt. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his body heated with the memory of his last encounter with Ted a few nights earlier, when that mark and the matching one on his other wrist had been left there.

_The belt that bound his hands over his head, to the headboard of Ted's bed, was too tight, pinching and chafing his oversensitive skin with every movement Ted made. Barney let out a choked little whimper of need as Ted began to slowly, tortuously make his way down Barney's bare chest, alternating kisses with tiny darting touches of his tongue, searing hot against Barney's bare, damp skin in the chill of the room. As Ted's teeth closed just a little too sharply over the skin just below Barney's nipple, Barney instinctively jerked against the bonds that held him – and then hissed in pain at the slow burn in his wrists that was intensified by the movement._

"_Stop," he whispered. "You're – c-cutting off my circulation…"_

_Ted rose up off of Barney, eyes narrowed in a dangerous warning as he grabbed Barney's hair and drew his head back, exposing his throat as he softly reminded him, "I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut."_

_Barney closed his eyes, braced for some kind of painful punishment for the infraction – but Ted released his grip on his hair, rising up, his knees straddling Barney's waist as he reached down to unbuckle his own belt. Barney felt a strange sense of relief at the thought that Ted was going to undress, too – that he was no longer going to be the only one exposed and vulnerable – but that relief was quickly overwhelmed by apprehension when Ted stopped with his belt. _

Barney's heart clenched, and he pulled frantically against his own belt around his wrists, no longer caring about the pain he was causing himself, when Ted slowly wrapped the second belt around his throat, threading the leather through the buckle and pulling it smoothly down until it was taut. Panic seized Barney, and he struggled to buck Ted off of him, gasping for breath that was as yet just restricted, not completely denied him.

"_Ted… no…" he wheezed. "_Stop_…"_

"_Shhh," Ted whispered, wrapping the end of the belt around his fist until it was flush with the back of Barney's neck, holding his head still, and reaching down with his free hand to grasp Barney's hip and push him forcefully back down onto the bed. "Stop fighting me, Barney," he advised in a soft, sympathetic tone. "You're only hurting yourself. Just let this happen…"_

_When Barney continued to struggle, Ted turned his fist just slightly, tightening the leather around Barney's throat enough to almost completely cut off his breath. Barney's heart raced with panic, staring up at Ted in terror. The warning expression he saw in his friend's gaze made him abruptly go still – submitting, if that's what it was going to take to get Ted to ease the unbearable pressure against his windpipe, the beginning of the burn building in his chest._

_Ted nodded slowly, an approving smile on his lips as Barney stopped fighting, his body trembling involuntarily, but no longer straining against his bonds, no longer trying to push Ted off of him. _

"_Good," Ted whispered. "That's better." _

_He unwound the belt a little so that the leather was still flush against Barney's skin, but loose enough to allow him to breathe almost freely. As Barney drew in a deep, shaky breath, Ted leaned down over him, capturing his trembling lips in a languid kiss. Barney still felt out of breath, stifled by the kiss as much as he had been by the belt – but he submitted to it, wary of angering Ted again._

_When Ted finally drew back to meet Barney's eyes again with a soft smile, he observed with satisfaction, "You're learning."_

_Barney opened his mouth automatically to protest, but a slight flick of Ted's wrist behind his head was enough to silence him immediately. _

"_No," Ted murmured, shaking his head as he unwound the belt from around his fist and instead wrapped it around the knotted leather that bound Barney's wrists, pulling it just taut enough to be a little restrictive, without really affecting Barney's ability to breathe. "No, I don't want to hear anything more from you tonight, Barney. Not a sound. Is that clear?"_

_Barney bit his lip for a moment, his pride making him hesitate, before closing his eyes and nodding in defeat, letting out a trembling sigh._

"_Good..." _

_Ted smirked as he reached for something on the nightstand, and Barney turned his head to see – his stomach clenching with alarm when he saw that Ted had picked up the candle that had been burning there since they'd entered the room. He swirled the molten wax for a moment in front of Barney's face, a thoughtful expression in his eyes, before he gave Barney a wicked smile._

"… _because we're going to play a new game tonight."_


End file.
